My Life in Pencil

"I've decided I'm going to start putting my life in pencil." 

A friend said these words to me over the phone today. As we talked about juggling commitments, work, time with friends and family, church ministries and having enough quiet to hear the voice of the Lord, I was reminded (again!) how difficult it is to have sufficient margin in life to not schedule every bloomin' second of each month. But my friend was speaking about more than just being overly busy. She was talking about being flexible, specifically to the Holy Spirit, in our lives. "Am I willing to put my life in pencil, to erase and change my plans?" I began wondering after I'd hung up.

Hmmm...
      Write in pencil.
            One with an eraser. 

I like making plans for life: scheduling how things should fit, having fun things to look forward to, deciding what makes the calendar of my life. But schedules aren't concrete and life tends to grow organically, when allowed.  We call that change. But the kind of change I'm facing these days is more than just a schedule change. It has more to do with a new season. So this idea of not being able to write out my plans for this next chapter in permanent ink with vividly illustrated expectations, is a bit foreign. I have some inklings of things to come but they feel more like vague sketches and outlines.

Change. I think that's what I'm penciling in as the title of this next chapter. I am coming to the close of a couple marathon chapters of my life. The big one - raising my family. I have no more little children. Over the past quarter century, I have played the roll of the mom raising her family. One of thee best chapters God saw fit to put in the pages of my life! Second, I am getting ready to step back from playing piano as a school accompanist. I started playing for choirs over 30 years ago. It's been the dream job and I've loved my coworkers! 

So, my pages feel blank, not because my schedule isn't going to continue to be filled with activities, commitments, people and life, but because I honestly don't know what it's going to look like. I'm excited. Actually, I'm beyond excited! But I want to approach this season of my life with a pencil in hand, ready to fill these pages with longings and dreams that are yet to be explored, asking God to show me what His plans hold. I hope to write, create and grow to tell meaningful stories. Whether this next chapter is going to be easy, difficult, short, long, exciting or overwhelming, I don't know. But I like the word picture my friend shared - A life written in pencil so that it can be flexible, erased, modified, and free to traverse into the unknown.