"Come on over!" Words that can change lives.

What if you could influence your world by hosting dinner in your home? What if you could show someone that you loved them by sitting on the sofa for a couple hours, sipping coffee? What if you could encourage a family who've hit a rough spot in life by ordering pizza and watching a silly movie together? 

What keeps us from opening our doors and having people in? I'm sure the reasons vary. For some, it may be a new concept if you didn't grow up having droves of people over. 

I was blessed to grow up in an environment of constant hospitality. (Truth be told, when I was a kid it didn't always feel like a blessing when mom said we had to pick up the living room super fast because someone was coming over. Fortunately, mom had conditioned us to sprint our toys into our rooms at Olympic speeds. If we didn't cooperate, I think perhaps the threat of a spanking was also there as a great motivator!) 

For me, it seemed normal to have a house full of people, whether family or friends. I grew up watching my mom and grandma serve meals to large numbers with ease. My grandma DeEtta was the real pro. I remember how focused her face would look as she'd wipe her hands on her apron, grab a steaming pan of meat and potatoes from the oven, dish them into pretty bowls, then carelessly stack the pots and pans next to the sink to be washed at a later time. At that age, I didn't realize how much of an extraordinary gift her hospitality was to others. She was just my sweet grandma who cooked amazing food! And because she always did it with grace and joy, I guess I assumed everyone loved to host in their homes the way she did. 

As our culture has gotten busier and more obsessed with living in magazine-perfect homes, I think we are in each others' houses less and less. Perhaps we've gradually lost the joy of serving a meal around the table. Maybe we're just too tired and want to watch TV more than anyting. Regardless, it's made me wonder lately if the gift of hospitality is going to fade into a mere memory from the last century.  

But.... 

    What if...

What if we resurrected the art of hospitality and started inviting people in again? What if we started saying, "Why don't you guys come on over for dinner tonight?" What if we weren't so obsessed with a perfectly clean house and instead, settled for a couch with no laundry on it with most of the toys off the floor? What if we didn't think we had to make a Pinterest worthy three-course dinner and decided to just grill up some burgers, open a bag of chips and skip the dessert? Would our time together be less rich because it wasn't gourmet? Or would it be better because we weren't distracted by perfection? If we met up in one another's dusty living rooms over a cup of Joe, would we be less lonely and depressed? In my opinion, I think we'd be a happier, friendlier community and a wiser nation if we decided to value hospitality once again. If we started to believe that lives could be impacted and that hearts could be encouraged all because we were willing to open our doors and let others come over, it could be remarkable.

In fact, I'm going to be so bold as to say I KNOW communities and lives would be changed! I know because my life has been beautifully impacted because others invited me in at one time or another. My marriage is different because a few friends had us over for meals and told us their own stories of hope and struggle. My heart was changed from hopeless to joyful when a friend opened her home, offered me coffee and let me talk it out. If these friends' doors would have stayed closed so their shelves could be perfectly dusted first, I would have missed out on the blessing of someone's love through their hospitality. My life was changed when they said, "Why don't you come over."

Let's face it, some days we just need a regular friend who invites us over to their regular home during their regular life while wearing regular clothes. A timely invite from a friend is almost magical. Other times, it's a sweet gift to be invited over for that special occasion with real plates and real flowers and really good dessert. But either way, it's hospitality. It's love. And it happens most magically from inside our homes. And even Scripture talks a fair amount about hospitality, as in, don't neglect it, and do it without grumbling. It's a powerful tool for showing love and kindness to one other.

As I finish pondering on how hospitality can impact our communities, I'm reminded of this little word picture. I like to call this illustration The Power of One. 

       A man is looking for someone to help him get some yard work done for the month of July. He has two payment options for the individual who is willing to work all 31 days. His first offer is that he will pay a lump sum of one million dollars at the end of the month. Or he'll pay a penny the first day and double the payment each day, until the end of the month is reached. Which payment would you take?

Hopefully you'd choose the second option. It's the difference between one million and $10,737,418.20. I like this illustration because we often think one big bang for our buck is always the best. But look what happens to one little penny, doubled, and doubled and doubled and doubled. What if you are meant to impact one person and that person learns from you how to impact one person and again that person shows another person... yeah, you see? One person impacting one person at a time will get way better results than thinking you're gonna do something HUGE one time to impact the world. Show love by opening up your home, your life, for a simple moment of food and laughter. Watch what begins to happen. 

Though I'm not near my grandma's level of hostess master yet, I do love to have people over. And after thinking about this and reading a book recently about hospitality, I realized that what my mom and grandma showed me is even more rare these days. So, what else is there to do about a subject like this than talk about it and blog about it?!? So here ya go!

If we each did this a few times a month, just imagine what Billings (or wherever you're from) would look like next year at this time?  It all starts with one invite. Who are you going to ask? It's going to be great! 

BONUS HINT: So, at this moment, I hope you're not done reading this and thinking, "Well, no one has had me over to dinner lately!" You'd be missing the entire point of this blog if so. It's up to YOU to put out the invite. Whether you have a tiny house, a dozen kids or hardly enough money to buy those tortilla chips and salsa that you're going to serve, call someone and invite them in. If you need to clean your house first, then do it! It doesn't need to be Pinterest worthy--just a clean living room, kitchen and bathroom will suffice. Close the bedroom doors and don't give a tour of the rest of your house. Ha! They're coming to see you, not your house! Put on some fun, loud music and teach your kids they can clean super fast for 30 minutes. Then make that call and invite someone over. You won't be sorry. 

 The Enabler

(The story you're about to read is true. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent--or guilty in this case.) 

My name is Candi and I am married to an enabler. This compelling story began in Montana where Daryl and I met, fell in love and got married. Not long into the marriage we discovered that despite all our love for each other, we really didn't understand one another easily. I was surprised to find out we were actually quite different. Even our interests were unfamiliar. I was the musician who started playing piano as soon as I could climb up on the bench. Early on I asked Daryl if he played anything to which he simply replied, "Does the radio count?"  I also was sure a girl couldn't own enough books. So I was shocked when he said he didn't have a favorite book. He even went so far as to confess he'd only skimmed the required books in high school. (*Gasp!) I couldn't even imagine! A life without incessant reading?!? But to be fair, one of Daryl's greatest joys in life was flying, which I knew absolutely zilch about. The first thing he'd done after graduating high school was head to Colorado to go to flight school. He was a private pilot that loved to fly the family plane every chance he got. He soon found out I knew nothing of airplanes, except that they flew. And I also knew nothing of how flight even worked. He carefully explained in great detail the workings of an airplane's flaps and rudders. He talked about the clouds and high and low pressure. Oh, be still my heart! I was mesmerized but only because he was handsome and nice. I didn't really care how the plane worked as long as it stayed in the sky! We both shared a zeal for life, but in uniquely different ways.

Through the years, we've become students of each other's interests. I've enjoyed soaring through the skies more than I'd ever dreamt I could, and Daryl has attended more concerts than he could possibly count. But I feel at this point in the story, I must reveal a secret about Daryl -- He's grown into (start dramatic music *bum *bum *bummmm) an ENABLER! He has gone beyond just learning about my interests, and instead, figured out how to supply my dreams with fuel. He spurs them on. He makes them happen. He's amazing that way. (And he's still handsome. Bonus!)

Most people see the word, enabler, in a negative light since it's often referred to as an individual who enables another  to stay in bondage to poor habits. Daryl, the positive version of an enabler, lives in a different way. He hasn't merely listened to me talk about my interests and hobbies, but instead, he's actively corroborated every single one of them. He's sacrificially given his blood, sweat and tears (and time and money) to enable me to pursue my ideas. Now, you must understand, I am not a pro at anything, (anything!) I do. That hasn't stopped his enablement. Not once has he told me, show me proof you're going to succeed and then we'll talk. Here's an example: Our first year of marriage, I started out with a black thumb. I literally killed everything alive in our apartment. So a few years later, when I wanted to grow a garden, he said, "Sure," and roto-tilled the soil. (Later in the season, together, we burned up my entire garden with too much fertilizer, but we were both young and dumb yet.)

Fast forward a few decades, thanks to Daryl's enabling ways we now have an awesome greenhouse, built and designed by Daryl; a custom fireplace in our living room, built and designed by Daryl; a camper that's getting an incredible remodel, built by Daryl; VBS science experiments that hundreds of kids have enjoyed, engineered and built by Daryl. And a few years ago, when I said I wanted to start writing, he never balked when I wanted to sign up for online classes. Instead, he bought me my new computer, Mac (aka, the other man in my life) and has driven me to bookstores in every state we travel through. He is thee very definition of being an enabler. I could stack up miles of evidence to prove his guilt but I believe I've made my point. He has blessed me with the ability to make so many wonderful things possible.

I appreciate that he looks at my imperfect dreams and ideas, listens patiently, then jumps on board and truly enables me to be creative and active in other people's lives.  I could not do what I do... without him. Often times, my life is lived on a stage or in a more visible manner than his, but what most people don't know is that he's the one that makes it all possible. Whether it's a tent and tables set up in the backyard for out latest tea party or a new keyboard that's battery charged so I can type in the mountains while we camp, he is the perfect enabler in my life. I am a life blessed by his kindness. For all you do, my Love, thank you!

     enable- to make able; to supply with power, physical or moral; to supply with means

     enabler- a person or thing that makes something possible

The Beauty of Anticipation (Part 1)

Sunrise on the S. Carolina coast

ANTICIPATION...
     
          WAITING...
         
                 EXCITED EXPECTATION...







I love the feeling of anticipation! There's a special thrill in my chest when I unwrap a gift, not knowing what it will be. Each time I was pregnant, I savored not knowing if we were having a boy or a girl until the moment the doctor exclaimed, "It's a ....!" Around each mountain trail bend, I wait with bated breath for what scene will unfold. And why else would I get up while it's still dark, sit on a cold beach to watch a flaming ball of fire breach the horizon? Anticipation. The fresh anticipation of wondering, "what will it look like this time?" I truly love surprises and life's unexpected gifts in any shape.

Today, I was wondering if God loves anticipation, too. I think he does. Look at a sunrise. He could have designed morning to arrive like an abruptly flipped light switch in a dark room. Bam!! The morning is here. He could have created babies to develop like zucchini, magically appearing on a vine, plump and ready after a mere 24 hours of growth. (You fellow gardeners know exactly what I'm talking about, right?! Zucchini growth is unbelievable!) He could have chosen to usher in Spring blossoms every year on March 20th like the changing of a garment. And for that matter, why didn't he conceive of a harvest that arrived instantly after planting? I'm sure he could have for certainly the God who can speak the entire universe into existence in 6 days could produce anything instantly at his command! So why the slow arrivals? Why the wait? I would suggest it's at least in part because he's designed something to happen in our hearts, minds, and souls through the art of anticipation. I bet he loves to hear us whisper, "I wonder..."

I'm guessing that God takes delight in watching us wait, wonder and anticipate his plan and design. I bet he even smiles while painting each sunrise and sunset, orchestrating the beauty of all those golden hues while he says, "They'll love watching this sunset unfold before their eyes!" The Lord has designed us to anticipate more than just the changing skies and seasons though. He offers us gifts wrapped in grace and love every day. He even gives us hints of things that are yet to come. That excites me deeply! It's almost as if he has hidden parts of our future in wrapping paper like a gift. The anticipation of his plan causes me to fix my eyes on Him and lean in and say, "I wonder..."

What are you anticipating? Who are you waiting for? I can't wait to tell you what I'm anticipating.

But let's wait
     for just a little while
           and enjoy the anticipation.
               It's so good to be excited with expectancy!

Wait, What?!? I'm suppose to Homeschool now?

(Today's blog is for all the moms who've found themselves thrust into homeschooling unexpectedly.)

When our four kids were young, we decided to homeschool them for a couple of years. I had months to think about how I wanted it to go. I looked through catalogs for curriculum and gleaned ideas from other moms. I had something you do not... TIME TO PREPARE!

So today, I'm going to leave some ideas, some advice and hopefully some reassurance that both you and your children are going to be alright. It will be hard at times, but you may just discover that you have a new, stronger connection with your child when this is done.

WHAT IF YOU'RE THE MOM WHO SAID, "I COULD NEVER HOMESCHOOL BECAUSE WE'D KILL EACH OTHER!?"

First of all, breathe. Just breathe. You can do this. You went through 23 hours of labor to bring this child into the world! You have lived without sleep since 2012. You're tougher than you think. Give yourself a few days to think through how you're going to incorporate schoolwork into your survival routine next week or next month. This week, you are wearing the mom hat. Not the teacher hat. No child's math and reading is going to tank in the near future. And honestly, your child is learning something much more important than math as he watches you handle change and model where your security comes from. In fact, I think the golden lining in the cloud is that you've just been given a great opportunity to show your kids how to handle trials. I think back to a quote a seasoned grandma told me once, "Blessed are the flexible for they shall not break." Indeed!

Now, if you're feeling unsure about the upcoming possibility of playing the teacher role, be assured, you're not alone. Every teacher wonders at some point whether or not they've got what it takes to infuse the next generation with knowledge and skills. You do. But one of the things that will help as you leap into this new role at home is to be willing to wear different hats at different times. As moms, we already do this quite a bit, but I personally think that being intentional with this helps focus on what matters most at that moment.

Here's what I mean: If you try to wear the cook hat, the teacher hat, the mom hat, the referee hat, the hazmat hat, and the doctor hat all at once, you're going to be overwhelmed. Test what happens to your sanity level if you just wear one or two at a time. (Now, I do realize the referee hat will often end up getting pulled on if you have multiple kids, but that's alright. Gotta do what you gotta do.) But YOU decide which hats are worth wearing in a day. Not the school district, not your friends, not the grandparents, just you. What does your family need today? That's your decision.

How do you go between these two hats?

Mom hat: First things first! Feed and hug them in the morning. Don't even THINK about schooling yet. Just connect with them, reassuring them that "this is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it!" That's a good way to start. Even if they're sick or grumpy or fighting, they will settle into your calm if it is part of your routine each day. If you're freaked out and stressed, they hear it in your voice and will mirror that too. Start your feet hitting the floor with a cry out to Jesus to help you love your kids well. Your most important role to your kids isn't as the educator, it's mom. While you wear this hat, don't harp on them about homework or if they've gotten everything done. Just be mom. They need you more than ever with all the sudden changes that have happened.

Mentally decide to change hats when you're ready to instruct.

Teacher hat: Take a moment. Think about that favorite teacher you had in school. What was it about him/her that made them memorable? Did they make learning fun? Did they seem to have a knack for telling good stories? Bring some of those styles into your teaching time. I know some parents are receiving loads of lesson plans and worksheets from schools and teachers. Don't make your time schooling all about getting the worksheets done! Yuck!!! Everyone and their dog would hate school if it was all about getting through "the stack" of to-do's. Too often, we think that if the worksheet is done, check, they've learned it. Busywork isn't important. Figure out what needs to get done and set the rest aside. Also, I know there's lots of fun ideas online but don't feel like you need to do them ALL and especially not ALL this week! Find out where they are in the main subjects. If they need help in it, take the time to sit with them, remembering you have your teacher hat on your head, and patiently help them through it. If they've got it figured out, then don't worry about the 8 other worksheets to prove they have it learned. The point is to learn, not to be busy.

I will go as far as to say "keeping up with all the school work" is not the point of your new teaching position at this stage in the game. If you're looking at the clock worried that you should be keeping them academically busy from 8:00-3:00 then you're going to focus on "staying busy." This older mom would say this: Your kids aren't on the clock. Unfortunately, we've heard that kids need to be in school "X" number of hours. That's not the point.  Being present doesn't equal getting an education. Use the time you have wisely and discover the joy of learning together, but don't focus on the clock. See that they are still learning. Don't worry about what everyone else is doing. Just do what you see fits your crew. Every family will be different, so don't worry. Comparing doesn't help them learn.

Two other things to consider as you wear the teacher hat:

1. I'd encourage you to consider just taking this time to teach simple life skills. Have them sort laundry and show them how to start the machine. Bake some cookies or spaghetti together. Those areas are as valuable as the three R's. Think about this, kitchen tasks lend themselves to talking about fractions (3/4 cup of flour, etc...) science (how things bake using chemistry) reading a recipe and understanding steps, taking turns stirring the flour (talk about where flour comes from and who grows it).

2. Teach a fun "unit" study. The beauty of this is that you can pick a subject, a place, a time in history and discover it together with all your kids no matter what their ages are. Ask them what they're interested in. You might find you have an engineer in the making.

* Let's say you want to teach about the pioneers coming west. You'd read aloud something like Little House on the Prairie, bake something from scratch, have the kids build a wagon under the kitchen table by throwing a blanket over it, have dinner by candlelight and talk about how great electricity is and what it might have been like for the pioneers who only had lanterns for light. Introduce the kids to the classic old Oregon Trail game. Didn't you guys grow up playing that one?

* Perhaps your older kids could learn about WW2 and the great generation who fought for the world's freedom. There are loads of great family-friendly documentaries. Read a book from that time like the diary of Anne Frank or Unbroken. Tell them the stories of their great grandparents' rolls during the war. Do you have family who served? Do your kids know about them? Pull out pictures.

* Pretend you're visiting a far off country for a day or week. Eat ethnic food from that place. Play music from that country. Draw a picture of what they think that place would be like then take a virtual tour on the computer.

* Let them tell a story using Stop Motion Movies. (There are some great apps for this!) The art of communication is beautiful. Let them be creative and silly.

*Play board games! Yes, this is educational. Think about how much mental math happens in a game? They are learning patience, strategy, and how to be a good sport whether they win or lose. Many life lessons are learned around a board game.

You'll find that you don't need huge lesson plans to succeed at learning, but start with an idea and your kids may very well help throw ideas into the ring. A great teacher mostly teaches the joy of learning.

WARNING: Be aware of the fact your life is going to feel really messy right now. Literally. When you homeschool, you quickly find out your house gets even messier than normal because you are living in it, eating in it, learning in it, all the time, every day. In our homeschool years, it was hard to keep up with dishes, laundry and house. Don't expect the house to stay organized and "perfect". It isn't going to be. Take that breath again. It's ok. You aren't going to be able to wear your housekeeping hat the way you'd like but wear it often enough to get by. Remember what the focus is--connection with your kids. Occasionally through the day, DO pull the cleaning hat on and set the timer for 10 minutes.  Tell the kids they have to run errands for you until the timer goes off. Crank up the crazy music and have everyone pick up with you as fast as they can. Clock out the teacher, the housekeeper and pull on that mom hat again. Relax. You just finished wearing your teacher's hat for the day. You did it!

My last word of advice is this: READ READ READ! If all you did as the educator of your kids' life these next weeks was read gobs of books, taking wild imaginary adventures in glass elevators or on pirate ships, then you've succeeded. Yay!!

You are building memories. Enjoy this crazy ride and don't let the new job freak you out too much. Remember they just want to feel your love and comfort more than anything. Even those feisty kids you swore you'd wring their necks if you ever had homeschool. Ask God to help you see your child's strengths and weaknesses during this time. Help them develop where they are weak. Don't just get upset. Help them. If they're slow readers, read to them and help them fall in love with good books. If they struggle in math, have them do some practice in the area that they are challenged in. But don't make them sit in a room alone going over and over the same stuff without helping them. That's torture for both of you. If they need help in writing, try writing a letter to a school friend they are missing. (Aw, mail. I could write a whole book on snail mail. It's magic!)

Don't weigh yourselves down too much. Put on the music and pull out those legos. Dust off the board games and find your copy of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. You won't get these days back. You're going to be ok.

We Have a NEED!!!

Dear World,

COVID-19 has arrived! Overwhelmed by the potential of how many people on this globe may contract this new virus, individuals are suddenly aware of "their needs." Grocery store shelves are virtually empty, toilet paper has become the golden commodity overnight, and droves of people are willing to stand in checkout lines for an hour to purchase what's left.

All of a sudden...
     We realize...
          WE HAVE A NEED!

Isn't it strange, we don't understand how much we need something until urgency strikes and it's all gone? I want to start by looking at toilet paper today. (Haha! Those are words I NEVER thought I'd type on this blog.) My guess is most households have had t.p. available for use whenever necessary since, well, since they got out of diapers. We use it every day. Yet, we haven't felt the need for it until now, when it's all but gone. We've assumed there would always be more toilet paper in aisle 14. Now, it's gone and we are hyperaware of our need for it.

This small, squishy roll is the perfect item to illuminate another much greater subject. Our lives, our need, and our hope.

Did you know that every single human has a need? Some people grow hyperaware of this need when they hear the words "cancer" spoken in a doctor's office. Others feel the need as their car spins out of control on an icy interstate. Still, others understand their need at church camp, while the speaker teaches that Jesus came to meet that need. What is it?

We need to be saved.

     Oh, why do we wait until our last days fighting cancer to even talk to God in prayer? Why do so many have a "come to Jesus moment" promising to try to live differently if He'll just get them through this car accident? Must we wait until we see the shelf of our lives are empty before we see we have a need?!?

If the craziness of this time brings anything of value, let it be this:

     WE NEED JESUS! UNTIL WE KNOW WE ARE LOST, WE HAVE NO REASON TO THINK WE NEED TO BE FOUND. John Newton understood this truth when he penned his famous words:
   
                       "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.
                        I once was lost but now am found; was blind but now I see."

It is so easy for us to march through our lives doing the routine dailies: Eat, sleep, work, repeat. But the sunrise cries out every day that there is a God who loves us. The bees and flowers are evidence that a creative, wise Being designed this world to its tiniest detail. He's even written His story out for us to know him and wants us to understand, he longs to meet our need to be saved, through His Son, Jesus. But we ignore him and say, "I am doing just fine. I don't have a need." But we all do. Do you know it?  Can you feel your need? Do you want it met? Will you wait until you are in an urgent situation to cry out to Him?

Don't wait. He tells us "And just as each person is destined to die once and after that comes judgment, so also Christ was offered once for all time as a sacrifice to take away the sins of many people. He will come again, not to deal with our sins, but to bring salvation to all who are eagerly waiting for him." (Heb. 2:27-28)

Here's truth: Every single one of us has a body that will die. Yep. 10 out of 10 will die. Bad odds if you're just hoping to make it out alive. You also have a soul and it will live forever. Is yours dead or alive? Sin kills the soul. Jesus makes it alive! That may sound odd to some. But I bet a couple of days ago you would have thought it odd to be asked if you needed food and supplies because you didn't yet feel the need. But if I asked you today, do you need food and supplies, they're considered gracious, life-giving words. Our eyes are opened and hearts are much more willing to talk about needs when they are staring at us in the face.

So today, I ask you, do you need eternal life? Jesus said if we want eternal life with him in Heaven, he is eager to give it to anyone who asks. But it starts by knowing, we have a need. You can't save you. Only the payment on the cross is enough. No matter what your past, how great your sin, Jesus already paid it ALL if you accept his gift and make the exchange --His life for yours.

I hope you're aware of your need for a Savior today. Don't wait until your life is at "the end of the last roll"(excuse the bathroom humor but y'all know it's true) before you see your need because there will come a time, your last day will arrive. Be ready. Be at peace. Know the Prince of Peace.

                    "For God so loved the world that he gave His One and Only Son, that whoever believes in him will not perish, but have eternal LIFE!" John 3:16

Grocery supplies are not endless. Toilet paper can run out. But much more importantly, our days are numbered. Be sure you have NOW what you'll need to make it into eternal life in Heaven. Jesus. 

I love you guys! I hope you do have t.p. but REALLY, I pray today, you see that you need Him!

Words Is Hard

     "Mrs. Haidle, that's not proper English." Unfortunately, I heard that from one of my grammar-policing students during an elementary choir class.
     "This is why I am your music teacher and not your English teacher. Let's sing." Inside, I secretly cringed, knowing that I easily fumbled over my sentences and even kids knew it. Don't misunderstand, I'm not at the redneck level by any means. I can speak well enough you shouldn't imagine I'm toothless and in overalls. But I can scramble my grammar and occasionally use the completely wrong word. I have even noticed now that I'm well into my 40's, that I frequently forget an entire word in the middle of my sentence. I have found that writing can ease this struggle allowing me the luxury of editing thoughts and retyping them until they flow smoother. Or is it, until they flow more smoothly? Anyway...
     Grammarly, the app, was made for people like me. And for Moses. You know, Moses from the Bible. I'm quite certain he could have benefited from it as well. Remember how God wanted to send him back to Egypt to lead the Hebrews out of capitivity and to the promised land? Even while standing in the presence of God, talking with the Creator of the universe, he had a problem. In that moment the issue holding him back from leading God's people to freedom was his speech problem. "O Lord, I'm not very good with words. I never have been, and I'm not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled." (Exodus 4:10 NLT)

     Today, I am pondering Moses's quandary. Why? Because I dream of embarking into the world of writers and am wrestling with the fear that my words could be dubbed as "not proper English" and therefore, unusable. I'm not used to feeling uneasy. Partly because I have just finished two marathon chapters of my life, nearly 30 years in the making, both of which I felt talented and fully capable. The past 3 decades, I have lived at my piano, working as an accompanist. I am completely at ease on a concert stage in front of a thousand people. I thrive on being the invisible person on stage during a choir concert, knowing I have the best seat in the house. Also, more importantly, I have spent the last 25 years raising my family but I do not have little kids anymore. My husband, Daryl and I, have four wonderful, dynamic, grown adults who bring us such satisfying joy. They don't need me to mother them, do their laundry, or wipe their noses. Yahoo! I get to enjoy my children as friends now. These rewarding chapters are closing. A new chapter is waiting.
     If I could script this next chapter, I'd love for it to be titled "Candi Writes On Meaningful Matters" but to begin with, I'd be content with a chapter titled "Candi Writes And It Doesn't Completely Stink." Between raising kids, going to school events, teaching piano lessons, and accompanying for school choirs, I've been stashing my writing ideas and story outlines in notebooks and on scratch paper, onto computers and audio recordings, hoping to one day bring my ideas to life and share them with others.
     My love for writing started young. I discovered my hankering for words through school writing projects and the devotion I felt for my notorious junior high journal (which I still have but told my children they can have only after I die.) As a teenager, journaling was a favorite time-killer, perhaps because it gave me a place to spout my inner thoughts and write about my secret, ever changing crush. I think my brother especially appreciated that I began writing in my journal since he got tired of listening to me talk about my newest infatuations, whom he claimed always had the name, Brian. (Hey, there were a lot of Brians in school in those days!) Over the years, stacks of journals captured my prayers and hopes, frustrating days and special memories I didn't want to forget. Eventually, typing at a comptuer screen to an unknown, virtual world introduced me to my first awkward blog called CandiandCoffee. I began to realized how much I loved telling people about what God was doing in my life, and thus, I eventually started this blog, Free at Last. It's been my stopping spot when anything of great consequence has happened in my life, which is why I type today.
     I've dreamt of going beyond scratching ideas on paper in the middle of conversations. I've imagined what it'd be like to write with others in mind instead of writing mostly to myself. Time after time, I've shared my favorite writing quote by C. Day Lewis. He said, "We do not write in order to be understood; We write in order to understand." I believe this to be true. My life has made more sense as I've poured my thoughts onto paper. But now I've come, hoping to go a step beyond journaling and blogging. I am hoping to write stories for children and materials for mothers to use in  parenting. I have some school curriculum ideas to explore. And just maybe someday I can write a Christmas program. I can easily give myself a million reasons why I am inadequate to accomplish any of these tasks. For me, sometimes "words is hard". But I love words. I love stories! I know if I have anything worth sharing, I only need to remember it was God who created me with all these ideas and dreams for a reason. So with God, grammarly, spell-check, gallons of coffee and those few supersmart grammar-police individuals who can't help but speak up, this tongue-tied musician might have a fighting chance at becoming a writer!

My Life in Pencil

"I've decided I'm going to start putting my life in pencil." 

A friend said these words to me over the phone today. As we talked about juggling commitments, work, time with friends and family, church ministries and having enough quiet to hear the voice of the Lord, I was reminded (again!) how difficult it is to have sufficient margin in life to not schedule every bloomin' second of each month. But my friend was speaking about more than just being overly busy. She was talking about being flexible, specifically to the Holy Spirit, in our lives. "Am I willing to put my life in pencil, to erase and change my plans?" I began wondering after I'd hung up.

Hmmm...
      Write in pencil.
            One with an eraser. 

I like making plans for life: scheduling how things should fit, having fun things to look forward to, deciding what makes the calendar of my life. But schedules aren't concrete and life tends to grow organically, when allowed.  We call that change. But the kind of change I'm facing these days is more than just a schedule change. It has more to do with a new season. So this idea of not being able to write out my plans for this next chapter in permanent ink with vividly illustrated expectations, is a bit foreign. I have some inklings of things to come but they feel more like vague sketches and outlines.

Change. I think that's what I'm penciling in as the title of this next chapter. I am coming to the close of a couple marathon chapters of my life. The big one - raising my family. I have no more little children. Over the past quarter century, I have played the roll of the mom raising her family. One of thee best chapters God saw fit to put in the pages of my life! Second, I am getting ready to step back from playing piano as a school accompanist. I started playing for choirs over 30 years ago. It's been the dream job and I've loved my coworkers! 

So, my pages feel blank, not because my schedule isn't going to continue to be filled with activities, commitments, people and life, but because I honestly don't know what it's going to look like. I'm excited. Actually, I'm beyond excited! But I want to approach this season of my life with a pencil in hand, ready to fill these pages with longings and dreams that are yet to be explored, asking God to show me what His plans hold. I hope to write, create and grow to tell meaningful stories. Whether this next chapter is going to be easy, difficult, short, long, exciting or overwhelming, I don't know. But I like the word picture my friend shared - A life written in pencil so that it can be flexible, erased, modified, and free to traverse into the unknown. 

I Ain't No Sweet Orange Tree Apart from Him

Orange trees bear oranges. Banana trees produce bananas. Raspberry bushes grow raspberries. Though I realize I'm only stating the obvious, I must say it: A TREE BEARS FRUIT, REVEALING THE TYPE OF TREE IT IS. Scientifically proven, it's a law of nature. With certainty, I can know the grapevine in my back yard will never burst forth with apple blossoms!

Let's look at a different kind of "tree". Our lives. I will love because I am loving. I will be joyful because I am joyous. I will have peace because I am peaceful, kind because I am kind, patient because I'm patient, self-controlled because I know God is in control. This is the Fruit of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:22-23)

But what if I produce anger, jealousy, drunkenness, or immorality? What if the thing that hangs from my "tree" is bitter and thorny? The answer is just as obvious as the orange tree that bears oranges - it's just more uncomfortable to look at because, well, it's painful. Like anything in life, we can't fix it if we don't acknowledge it's broken. We may be shouting to everyone around us, "I'm a sweet orange tree! The only reason I'm like this is because YOU make me get like this!" That's a lie, but it's an easy one to believe. Unfortunately, it's obvious to everyone else except us: We ain't no sweet orange tree!

Blame. It's the oldest mind game in all of human history! Beginning in the Garden of Eden, the first episode of The Blame Game played out when God asked a very direct question: "Have you eaten of the tree that I command you not to eat?" Adam pointed at Eve and told God, "This woman YOU gave me, SHE handed it to me and then I ate it." As if on cue, Eve answers, "The Serpent deceived me and then I ate," or more plainly, "The devil made me do it!" I know some of you mamas out there are sighing as this is the story of your everyday life when you ask one of your kids a simple question. The finger pointing starts and the blaming flows like a river. Oh,  if only we could get a straight, honest answer!!! It's not just the kids though, right?

I lived blaming others for too long. It was yucky. Thorns and bitterness, anger and judgement grew out of blame. Through tears, I'd tell Daryl after a fight, "I don't know why I am so angry. I just am. I only do two emotions well, so you either get Happy or Angry." When things were good, it was easy to be happy, but if things got tough, I'd blow a fuse. Truth is, when the heat of life turns up, what we're made of gets revealed.

In John 15, we read familiar words spoken by Jesus: "I am the vine. You are the branches. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me." Outside of Him, I can't do it! Let me lay it out on the table; my bursts of anger we not Jesus'. They were mine. Flesh of Candi. It was not a pretty sight. Just call it verbal vomit. No one wants that spewed on them! I didn't know how things would ever change because in those days, I was still playing the blame game. I would think, "It's 'your' fault I'm mad." Here's a secret: If all those who make us mad would change, behave perfectly, or move out of our lives, we'd still be mad. THEY are not the problem. The problem resides in us. What do we do though? I'd just vow to myself, "I will try harder next time not to get so angry." I'd fail. Sometimes I still  do!

Let's go all the way back to the Garden again. We see that everything God offered gave us Life. He WAS Life! He still is. The Lie the Devil pitched lead to Death. What was the Lie?

     "Did God REALLY say..."

Knowing and listening to God's truth is where we must start. God is the truth teller. God is the truth revealer. God is Truth! And His truth produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. But when I walk in the flesh, I've turned my ear away from the Life-giver and taken a bite of the same lie the Enemy has been whispering since mankind walked the earth... "Candi, did God really say love is patient? He didn't mean all the time. Nobody is perfect. You have every right to be sharp-tongued sometimes! That wasn't fair. Who could be expected to be gentle under those circumstances? You were just being honest!" Whew! It makes me sweat just to type those words. Have you ever eaten that one? Boy, I have! It was a bitter, rotten piece of something! 

Just as Adam and Eve pulled their Life-line from God back in the Garden, I do the same thing if I pull my vine from His branch and expect to do anything apart from him. This makes me want to do a whole study on what it looks like to Abide in Christ. Let's finish on a sweet, a truly sweet bite. A bite we can sink our teeth into, whole-heartedly. God will never lie to us. He will always tell us the truth. Don't you love that?

Do you remember in Math class, the word IS and equals were interchangeable? For example, 4 + 4 = 8. Or we'd say 4 plus 4 IS 8. It would only work to insert the equals sign when the equation had the same amount on both sides of it, making it TRUE. Look at a few verses through that same lens.

God is Love. Jesus is Truth. He is Life.
                      OR
God = Love. Jesus = Truth. He = Life.

Yep. It is what it is. Or better yet, He just says, I AM. Period.

Why should we look anywhere outside of the one who IS the truth we seek? If something is missing in your life, much like a mathematical equation, you need to look for the answer to missing the variable that will make your life-equation equal the truth. Stuffing anything (and everything) into the equation won't make it add up to truth. It only IS, when the equation is True. 
                            "His name is Faithful and True." (Revelation 19:11)

More, if you want it:
     Galatians 5
     John 15
     Romans 6-8

Irreversible Transformation

     I can't un-learn to play the piano. I could concentrate on being ignorant to my skills but it's impossible. I could try to convince myself "I don't know what to do" but my brain still understands it. I can never go back to not understanding the keys of my piano.

     You can't un-learn to ride a bike***, therefore the expression, "It's just like riding a bike." There are things that we all "just do" because it's impossible to turn off the know-how once we've got it.

     Yesterday, I told a little story about experiencing truth. Today, let's focus on the miracle of the transformation that takes place when understanding and believing truth changes us. Much like the bike, transforming truth is something that once you learn it, you can never go back and un-learn it. The change is complete. Permanent. Actually, when the Bible speaks of being transformed, it's the same word as metamorphosis - A change from one form into a completely different form! Caterpillar to butterfly. A heart of stone to heart of flesh. From dead to alive.

Just as a wooden match, once struck, becomes carbon, it can't go back to being wood. The transformation is complete. Permanent. It's changed from one substance into an entirely different one with new qualities. It is what it is.

So, what about our lives? Why don't we see change? Why do we go back to our defaults? Could it be, perhaps, we haven't fully understood where that transformation comes from? Transformation is supernatural. The biology of the butterfly is miraculous! The
                                                                                   chemistry of the burning match is marvelous!

The metamorphosis of a sinner to saint is God's work. Transformation doesn't come from trying harder. Trying to change is as real as a caterpillar wearing a butterfly costume. Trusting to change is the real deal - from the inside out. Look at this evidence:
     "...it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure." Philippians 2:13
     "I am convinced of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6
     "After you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you." 1 Peter 5:10

     Just like salvation, this handiwork isn't a partnership of God and I toiling together. He does the work. I do the trusting. It's the kind of believing (experiential understanding) that I can never un-learn. It completely transforms me. There's no going back. It's the kind of trust that can tell my mind to not worry because "I KNOW whom I have believed in, and am persuaded that He is able." The kind of belief that can put my heart at peace  though I've heard the C-word, cancer. The assurance that I can hope in a God who hears and loves me.

     If you feel stuck in the same rut, striving to change, vowing to never-do-that-again, maybe there's some area of your life that is like that wooden match, just waiting to be struck and ignited, ready to morph into the new. There's no going back once the transformation is real. But it's entirely God's work in you. Remember, the Fruit of the Spirit is NOT a to-do list in our lives. You possess them already if you belong to God. They flow from you but are not produced by you, but by the Spirit. Ask God to help you trust Him in that area of life you're struggling - to trust with your whole heart. He is able!

     "I have been crucified with Christ; and it no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me." Galatians 5:20

Images from thebutterflysite.com

***Just for fun, I'm leaving a link to a cool video about a guy who DID try to unlearn to ride a bike.

Backwards Brain Bicycle

Story of The Best Steakhouse Ever - Know the Truth!

     "I'm going to take you to my favorite steakhouse for lunch. I know you love a good steak, so this place is perfect for you! I'll pick you up at 12:00.  It's not far from where you work. It's on 10th Ave North." 

     My stomach rumbled. I'd skipped breakfast that morning and was starving. I loved it when Carrie and I could catch up over the lunch hour. And Carrie had excellent taste in food so I was eager to try her favorite steakhouse. My husband, Jack, called minutes later wondering if I'd like to join him at his office for lunch. 

     "Sorry. I just made plans with Carrie to go to some awesome steakhouse on 10th Ave North. Let's do it another day," I explained. 

     Jack paused. "Uhm...There's no steak joint on 10th Ave North. Better have her check her directions before you go. I've been all over that street and I know there's no steakhouse there."

     "Carrie said it's where she always goes for her favorite steak." I had no reason not to believe her. 

     "I'm just saying, there's no steakhouse on 10th Ave North. But I know you'll have a good time with Carrie, wherever you end up eating. " 

     "Thanks. Love you." I hung up my phone wondering if Carrie maybe just had the address wrong. Guess I'd find out soon enough. 

     Carrie showed up at the curb right on time. I jumped in, more curious than ever about this steakhouse she'd bragged about. "I'm starving! I can't wait to eat." 

     "I know! Me, too. I'm glad it'll only take us a few minutes to get there," she replied. Moment of truth. Would we drive to a steakhouse on 10th or was Jack right after all? Lo and behold, we turned the corner of 10th Avenue North and she pulled the car into the parking lot of Hank's Steaks. 

     "We're here!" 

      Sure enough. We ate delectable steaks with all the trimmings. We left, stomachs full and my mind convinced, there was without a doubt, an amazing steakhouse on 10th. 

     Later that evening, Jack got home and asked about lunch. "So? How was lunch with Carrie?"

     "Great! And the steak was so good! I'll have to take you there sometime on a date. I'm guessing, it'll become a regular date destination from now on. It was that good," I smiled. 

     "But where did it end up being? I know it wasn't on 10th, right?" 

     Jack had always been so good with directions I couldn't believe he'd gotten this one wrong. I raised my eyebrows and smiled again. "Actually, Carrie drove right to it, on 10th. I saw it with my very own eyes. I assure you, it's there."

     He replied slightly puzzled, "Honey, I know there's no steakhouse there." I shrugged my shoulders and told him I'd take him there on a date. Soon. He obviously wouldn't be convinced until he'd experienced it for himself. Regardless, there was absolutely nothing he could say that would un-convince me that I'd eaten an incredible steak with Carrie, on 10th Avenue North.

This is a story. I retell it as an illustration of the difference between intellectual belief and experiential belief. I believed Carrie, that there was a steakhouse. I had been given knowledge that she passed on to me. I believed her...INTELLECTUALLY. But once I had actually been there and eaten, I believed...EXPERIENTIALLY. They are different. One is not right and the other wrong. (Actually, we can intellectually believe something wrong. We can also experientially believe something wrong but that's for another blogging time.)

PLEASE HEAR THIS: Experience does NOT equal truth! But when we DO experience the truth, (as in this story) we can NEVER unbelieve it! No amount of talking could un-convince me because I knew it to be the truth. 

      "Now, faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." 

                  Hopeful Assurance   &    Blind Conviction

                                    Hebrews 11:1

Oxymorons 

      Clearly Confused

      Virtual Reality   

      Turkey Bacon 

      Short Sermon

Do you see the oxymorons in this verse? The bible tells us we can have hopeful assurance and blind conviction. Assurance and Conviction in the steakhouse story, came when I experienced it to be true. Up to that point, my belief was only hopeful and unseen. 

Let's look at another verse this same way. The first verse many of us memorized. JOHN 3:16

     "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him, shall not perish but have eternal life." 

Intellectual: I read (even memorize) John 3:16 that says that God loves me. I grow in knowledge of the Bible. 

Experiential: I believe John 3:16 in my heart (experience) and am saved. 

Problem: Knowledge alone does not transform us. Intellectual belief can make us smarter, but does not guarantee or constitute faith. Look at the Pharisees. Actually, look at being a little child and memorizing John 3:16. That wasn't saving faith. That was just knowledge. Knowledge isn't wrong, but it doesn't transform us until our belief is there.  That's when we know the truth. Faith isn't only knowledge. Paul wrote to the Ephesians about this he said he prayed for them "...to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God." (Eph. 3:19) 

Sometimes we wrestle with these two things, believing something in our head that we KNOW to be true, but believing something in our hearts that isn't true. This is why we can say with our mouths, "My God will supply all my needs..." while fretting about finances during the night. Remember, Jesus said, "And you will know the truth and the truth will set you free," NOT "if you memorize the truth, it'll set you free." Head knowledge and heart knowledge do different things in our lives. If those beliefs are in conflict with one another, like the finances example, it's called being double-minded. 

James 1 says "...he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. He is double-minded, unstable in all he does." Read all of James 1 sometime. Actually, if you're going to read the first chapter, you might as well just read it all! It's so good!!! It's only 5 chapters. Ask yourself this question while you read it: Do I believe this to be true, so much so, that nothing in the world could un-convince me of it's truth? This is the kind of faith God has called us to have in Him and His Word. Remember... 

     "Now, faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." Heb. 11:1

If you feel like the person who's more like the wave, being blown and tossed with the winds of life, maybe it's time to sit down, in the quiet and ask yourself, "What do I really believe?" If you've never experienced the kind of faith that's active and more than head knowledge, a faith in God that makes you a new creation, a transforming trust in the only One who saves, Jesus, then today is a good day to ask for this kind of belief. "I am the Way, the Truth and the Life," Jesus says. Read John 3 and James and ask the Lord to come, to lead, to show you. Much like that steak, once you've "tasted and seen that the Lord is good," there's no going back. If you're a follower of Jesus, he doesn't want you to just believe in him, he wants you to believe him. Believer, read John 16 and 17. These are the final things Jesus was saying to his friends before his death. In John 16:33, he said these things, "so that you may have peace." If you don't have peace today, this may be just for you. Your intellectual belief won't bring you peace. You must believe him in order to experience life changing peace. 

When you believe, brace yourself. True transformation begins...

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test adn approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

Through the Fire, Heroes Emerge

Heroes. We all have them. Who are your heroes?

Hero by definition is someone of distinguished courage or ability, admired for their brave deeds and noble qualities.

Here's my short list of Hall of Heroes:
     Corrie ten Boom
     Richard Wurmbrand
     George Muller
     John Bunyan
     Abraham Lincoln
     C.S. Lewis
     Martin Luther
And from the bible:
     Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego
     Mary
     Job
     Joseph (the one with the awesome coat and slew of brothers)
     Queen Esther
     Peter
     and the prophet, Elijah
I can not help but be moved by the way these people lived and died. One of the common factors in EVERY single person on my list is they endured hardships courageously and stood strong. This is what inspires me about each of them. They trusted God in extraordinary ways.

What makes some people come through hardship with so much grace? In my studies over the past years, I'd say it always, always comes back to the way they view God and are able to trust him completely. It's not because they were great, in and of themselves. It's because of the One in whom they trusted, was great! Hardship and Heroes. They seem to go hand in hand.

Even as a young girl, when I'd read the accounts of my heroes, it didn't stop with admiration. I found myself wanting to be like them. Funny, isn't it, how we want what they have, but not the trials they went through? What if I truly believed that everything in my life passed through the hand of God, for a purpose, for good. Be sure you hear this though: it's not that everything is good. The death of a loved one, cancer, wars... they're horrible! But what if I believed that God wouldn't allow anything into my life that he didn't choose. If this is true, the verse, "If God is for us, who can be against us," is much more powerful than I'd ever believed before! (Rom. 8:31)

Remember Job? Let's look at him for a moment while we ponder this thought.

     The story begins with the angels presenting themselves to God, "and Satan came along, also".  So the Lord says, "Where have you been?" to which Satan replies, "Roaming the earth." Observe carefully now because it's the LORD who begins by saying, "Have you considered my servant Job?" He proceeds to brag him up a bit. Satan retorts, "Job doesn't have to fear because you've protected him. But if YOU stretch out YOUR hand and strike everything he has, he will surely curse YOU to your face." God tells Satan, "Very well, then, everything he has is in your hands, but on the man himself, you won't lay a finger." 

God was going to use Satan for his own purposes in Job's life. Hard to understand, but keep reading.

     All within a day's time, Job lost his herd of livestock, and some servants were killed by enemies; fire came from the sky and burned up his flocks of sheep and more servants died; the Chaldeans took his camels, killed more servants; and his sons and daughters died when a wind blew the house over on them and killed them! Job's response is this:
          "Naked I was born, naked I will leave. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away.  May the name of the Lord be praised."

     Job's story continues with him being struck with painful sores from bottom to top of his body. His wife then says, "Curse God and die!" And Job responds with, "Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" His sufferings were great. Then to top it off, his friends show up to say the LORD is doing this because Job must be at fault for something. Surely the LORD would do something to rescue him if he were in fact pure and upright. Again, Job had a rebuttal, "Though he slay me, yet I will hope in him."
     Finally, in chapter 38 the Lord speaks. He never answers a single "why" question. He only answers with WHO he is.  At the end of Job's biography we see that it's the LORD who blessed the latter part of Job's life even more than the first. He gave him twice what he'd owned before. And Job's extended family "consoled him over all the trouble the LORD had brought upon him" .  He eventually had 7 more sons and 3 more daughters. He died, old and full of years, we're told.

     It's easy to read this story as "Poor Job. Passive God. Aggressive Devil." But there is no where throughout the entire story that GOD is not seen as the one in charge of all that's allowed into Job's life. Satan said, "YOU protect him.  YOU should stretch out your hand and touch him." The wife says, "Curse GOD!" Job says, "Though YOU slay me, I will praise you still." 

You may be saying, "I don't want a God like that!" Yes. Yes, we do. Would we rather that God is just a passive God who allows outside, purposeless forces or a powerful Devil to rule our lives? That we sit at the mercy of some cosmic chaos with no direction?  He is a holy God with the power to do exactly what's needed in our lives to refine us. How different would I endure hardship if I saw that it all comes through my loving Heavenly Father's hands? 

Though God is able to rescue from the fire, he often doesn't. But he ALWAYS goes through it with us. Oh! There is so much I wish I could type to convey what is tugging at my heart about this but I'm going to leave this blog with a few scripture references to complete this thought. I hope you'll take the time to read them.

Before moving on in my blog about freedom and peace, trust and rest, I HAD to lay this foundational stone to stack my other thoughts on. I'm compelled to believe that He is the "author and perfecter of my faith." And I've heard it said that we are either coming out of a crisis, in the middle of a crisis, or headed into a crisis. I don't want to be caught off guard. I hope to be firmly planted on the Rock, like so many of my heroes who have gone before and shown me what it looks like to trust in Him.

Incredible verses and stories about faith in adversity:
     Daniel 3
     Hebrews 12
     1 Peter 4:12-13
     James 1:1-16
     Job








   

There's Good News and Bad News

What does real transformation look like? We try all sorts of things to get results in our lives. We desire change for the better but keep sliding back into old habits. There's even a slick little quote floating around stating "insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Is it dumb luck that some people get results? Are some people just doomed by fate to a life of misery? Why are we so apt to keep doing the same things even though we hate it? 

The answer: Human Nature (a.k.a. our flesh) This is why alcoholics fall off the wagon; why mothers who've vowed never to yell at their kids again, do. Abusers continue to beat, thieves steal, addicts get numbed one more time, procrastinators will get results...tomorrow, eating disorders destroy bodies, liars fib, and sinners sin. How do we NOT walk in our flesh when it's our nature to do so? 

Now, I hope you're not feeling bleak at this point. Keep reading. But in order to get to the good news, we've got to look at the bad news first. When we typically look for a solution for our "bad habits" we either:
     1.) Try and stop doing something - OVERCOME
                           
                 or we

     2.) Try and start doing something - PERFORM

Both solutions have a dismal long term success rate. Why? Because they are both based on self-effort and works and not faith. We really have no power to overcome or perform our way out of this state. Now, some of you may be thinking, "I am strong. I've beat my issues. How dare you judge me!" Hold on. I'm not saying you may not have times when you've managed them better than others but let me ask you this: When the fires of life show up and the pressure is on, you're pressed from all sides and your negative emotions begin to swell, will you want to return to your old habits? Will your eyes long to find porn, your mouth water for a taste of alcohol? Will your anger build walls and throw bricks? Will you do everything in your power to control the situation or will you just shut down completely and check out? If you're a Christ-follower, you've heard that we are to walk in the Spirit and walk by faith, not by sight. How? And where is this peace that God says we'll find in Him anyway?

Here's the good news; It's there. Just as he says... it's found in Him.
     "Don't be anxious about anything... the peace of God will guard your heart and mind in Jesus."
     "May the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times, in every way."
     "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you." ***

Peace doesn't come from trying to feel peace, from overcoming your pain or outperforming your old habits. Peace is a product of the Spirit, the Fruit of the Spirit, in fact. So, here's a question to ask yourself? If I'm not experiencing this peace he's offered, WHY? Could it be because you're not truly trusting him? Does it feel true that "I can be worry-free and have complete peace in ALL circumstances?" The reason I ask if it FEELS true is because our feelings stem out of what we believe. If it doesn't feel true, (not is it true, because we know it is because his Word tells us so!) then ask him, "Lord, what do you want me to know about this?" Seek him and trust that he will answer you.

Let me finish up today's thoughts with the complete verses from Philippians.
     "Don't be anxious about anything, BUT in everything, BY PRAYER AND PETITION, with thanksgiving, PRESENT YOUR REQUESTS to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

"I sought the Lord, and he answered me; He delivered me from all my fears." Psalm 34:4

*** Philippians 4:6-7, 2 Thessalonians 3:16, Isaiah 26:3 Check these out in your bible today and ask God, "Is this true?"

When We Don't Know What To Do, We Do "Something"

Have you ever been in one of those awkward situations where you didn't know what to say, so you just said "something" and then regretted it? Me, too. Or you had a time you strongly overreacted and later wondered, "Why did that upset me so much?" Mm hmm.

I believe people live out of default settings; things we believe and don't even realize it. Maybe you've had a moment like this in your life: Your husband comes home after work and casually asks, "What did you do today?" (Cue music that reveals danger is near. Very near!)
     "What do you mean, 'what did I do today'? Do you think I sit around here all day doing nothing?" Surprised, your husband's eyes widen as your head starts spinning and glass starts shattering (figuratively speaking, of course.)

So, what just happened here? Why the explosion from a perfectly routine question? I believe it's because there's a deep seeded lie that's playing in the heart unknowingly and the question just brought it to the surface, pushed on it, and revealed itself.

This has happened millions of times on earth. It's happened a hundred times just in my own home! Fortunately, I had a friend who knew how to help me with my "issue".  She said, "You've got a lot of lies going on in your head!" For years, I lived with a Committee of Voices silently shouting at me and I didn't realize that my reactions were often just manifestations of carefully disguised lies. My "you are worthless" lie would rear it's ugly head. I'd react and lash out at the ones I loved, much like the story at the beginning.

You can not believe the truth and a lie at the same time!

The bible calls this being double-minded (Jam. 1:8) I may say I believe something, but my actions are going to prove whether or not I really do. Here's an example:
     I can say,"I believe the Lord will supply all my needs." That's a biblical concept so I can be assured that it's true. I can even teach this concept to others. But...have I ever worried about money? Worried I wouldn't have all my needs met? So, the question becomes, "What do I really believe?" My mouth may say one thing, but my heart is somewhere else. I may even believe that I trust His provision, but when the pressure comes, I'll live out what I truly believe in my heart.

This past week, I went to to a conference in Denver. I thought it was going to be about biblical counseling. It was. But it was more. I soon realized this wasn't about helping people through hardships. It was about God's Truth in our lives. Not head knowledge truth, but truth I believe with action. It's the word the bible uses as "faith" and "trust". And as the sessions went on, I began to see that we often need to sit back and look at what we are believing is truth.

Jesus said in John 8, "If you hold to my teaching...  You will KNOW my truth, and the truth will set you free. If the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."

"No one tells anyone when they are in counseling, but they tell everyone when they are free," said our speaker this weekend.

I am one of those the Lord has freed! Freed from sin and death. But also, freed from guilt and shame. I've decided to write about this because of the healing the Lord has done in my heart and mind over these past 10 years as I've asked him that huge question over and over, "Is that true, Lord?"

If you relate to the story of the exploding wife, or the ruckus of the voices in your head, or you're just tied up, believing one thing while proclaiming you believe another, then I hope you'll consider stopping by this blog and reading what I'll write over the course of the next weeks. I've found freedom and I don't want to keep it for myself.

Jesus is the Way, the TRUTH, and the Life. Even if you aren't his follower, oh, I hope you'll still read this anyway and test if what you read is speaking to your heart at all. If you're thinking, #religioustrap, consider reading my story. It starts at the beginning of this blog. Candi... Meet Grace or Thou Shalt not Chew Gum in Church.

If you're tired of shackles, weary from worry, hopeless about your circumstances, I know where freedom lies. It's not about just "getting through" life's struggles. Anyone can do that. Believer or not. That only takes the ability to inhale and exhale. Let's do more than just breath. Let's thrive! When we don't know what to do, let's do more than just "something".

So, my believing friend - "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what the will of God is - - his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2

And those of you not sure about Jesus, (or me! for that matter), "Do you long for something more?" If so, it may not be a coincidence that you're reading this today.

Peace of Mind

"Let's face it, there is no one more spiritually neurotic than the woman who lives inside her head!" -Beth Moore, Living Proof Conference 2013

"My ability to be at peaceful rest is connected to my ability to trust God."

These are a few words I found written in a notebook from a conference a couple years ago. They remind me of how much God has quieted the clamor in my mind over time and replaced doubt and lies with His truth and peace. My habit used to be I'd replay conversations in my head long into the night wondering, "Should have said that? Oh, I talked too much! Should I have done more? Could of, should of, would of..."

Lies make us second guess, not just ourselves, but God. Oh, how easily the Serpent can still whisper, "Did God really say...". Are you exhausted from the wrestling match of lies? Those lies that say you're not enough, you're too much, you're worthless, you're not really forgiven, nobody truly loves you? Do you long for peace? The infinitely deep peace that can quiet that "neurotic you" no one else hears yelling in your ears?

"Don't worry about ANYTHING! Instead, pray about everything. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is more wonderful than you can imagine. His peace will keep your thoughts and hearts quiet and at rest as you trust Jesus." (Philippians 4:6-7 summarized)

It's not that there isn't stuff to worry about in our lives, it's just that we can throw all those worries on Him and trust Him completely. Instead of clamor that assaults us, we can ask Jesus to stand guard over our thoughts. He'll only tell us the truth. He will never lie! So if you find you're weary and lacking peace today, take it to Him in prayer and ask Him to speak truth into your life. Bury your nose in between the pages of your bible and read until your heart is full! (If you don't know where to start, I highly recommend Philippians.) We've got to quit going to ours heads for understanding and running to the mountains for peace. We need more than a simple walk near a beautiful beach for little peace and quiet to still our souls. We need real, lasting peace that only comes from time spent with God.

If I were to write you a letter today, I'd start it like this...
     "Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ" because there is nothing better I could wish for my friends and family! I hope you hang out with Him today. He's awesome!
                                                             

Truth and Experience

70 years ago it was D-Day. June 6th, 1944.

Picture by Colossal taken in 2013 to remember the 9,000
fallen soldiers on Normandy's Beach

Today, I was listening to a gentleman on the radio talk through the events surrounding the soldiers as they stormed Normandy Beach. As Europe had been all but overtaken by the Axis powers, these brave men knew that evil needed to be pushed back. Their sacrifice and courage was immeasurable! Just imagine how different history would have played out if there wouldn't have been a D-Day. It's important to remember. There are fewer and fewer of these heroes left to remind us of their sacrifice. I wonder, when they are gone, will this part of history just fade away and turn into a watered-down, three paragraph summary only for school textbooks and chapter tests? It's these men's experience, their witness of the atrocities that keep it from becoming mere historical fact. Their stories are some of the most heart-wrenching I've ever heard. I'm moved.

Lately, I've heard more and more discussion about whether or not experiences in life, especially in regards to our relationship to God, matter or if truth is the only thing that we are to look at. Truth is...truth is paramount! But I'm going to go on record saying that experience is not unimportant though. 

Experience matters, but it's not the determiner of what's true. 

Experience without truth is unreliable and dangerous.

Experience is not truth. 

BUT...Experience can express truth like nothing else! 

I've read a fair amount about D-Day over the years, yet no historical summary of the storming of Normandy ever compelled me like the personal stories of the men who actually lived it. The truth stands. There was a definite change in history on June 6th, 1944. That's a proven fact!

So WHY is the experiential account important?

Experience makes it personal. Experience is what tells of a deeply individual account of the facts. 

So, here comes my rant. People in the Christian community are getting things all mixed up! There are those who say that their experience is what determines whether or not they've got a relationship with God. Some go as far as to say if you haven't "experienced" a checklist of things (e.i. speaking in tongues, visions, dreams, hearing an audible voice) you must not be saved. We can discern that this isn't true because it's not scriptural. Therefore, if we believe in experience alone, then we'll be filled with doubt every time we "feel" like we are missing that special "feeling".  But then there's the other camp that says you will not experience anything that matters, so keep your faith to truth alone (e.i. read your bible, read your bible, read your bible, and yeah, you got it, read your bible.)  Jesus said he is the Truth. So obviously truth matters!!! But if truth is the only thing that matters, why do we as Christians say that what makes us different from religion is "a personal relationship with Jesus?" Let's remember, the pharisees had truckloads of truth and totally missed the personal connection with Jesus!

After giving our life to Christ, we will experience many things with Him because it's personal.

 Personal = Intimate 

Before giving my life to Christ in junior high, I heard many people share their "testimonies." Those stories were chalked full of truths and personal experiences. Without a doubt, God used the truth I read in the Bible to draw me to himself. But it was people's personal stories that moved me. Isn't that why we "share our testimonies" is because of it's power to impact others?

Think about the word testify. It's a legal term. But in order for it to be valid, it must be based on truth and it must be that person's own experience. If someone tries to testify without the genuine form of both truth and personal experience it'll be thrown out of court. If it's not truth it's a lie. If it's not your own experience it's hearsay and unverifiable.  

The beauty of this all is that God's truth will never just disappear into a book somewhere and merely become a watered-down account of insignificant facts, but truth will continue to be paired with people's personal experiences of the Heavenly Potter who transforms and molds each willing lump of clay. What a thing to hear...the personal story of someone's journey to the cross.  That is an experience like no other!

"Taste and see that the Lord is good..." Psalm 34:8

"Your word, Lord, is eternal..." Psalm 119:89