"Come on over!" Words that can change lives.

What if you could influence your world by hosting dinner in your home? What if you could show someone that you loved them by sitting on the sofa for a couple hours, sipping coffee? What if you could encourage a family who've hit a rough spot in life by ordering pizza and watching a silly movie together? 

What keeps us from opening our doors and having people in? I'm sure the reasons vary. For some, it may be a new concept if you didn't grow up having droves of people over. 

I was blessed to grow up in an environment of constant hospitality. (Truth be told, when I was a kid it didn't always feel like a blessing when mom said we had to pick up the living room super fast because someone was coming over. Fortunately, mom had conditioned us to sprint our toys into our rooms at Olympic speeds. If we didn't cooperate, I think perhaps the threat of a spanking was also there as a great motivator!) 

For me, it seemed normal to have a house full of people, whether family or friends. I grew up watching my mom and grandma serve meals to large numbers with ease. My grandma DeEtta was the real pro. I remember how focused her face would look as she'd wipe her hands on her apron, grab a steaming pan of meat and potatoes from the oven, dish them into pretty bowls, then carelessly stack the pots and pans next to the sink to be washed at a later time. At that age, I didn't realize how much of an extraordinary gift her hospitality was to others. She was just my sweet grandma who cooked amazing food! And because she always did it with grace and joy, I guess I assumed everyone loved to host in their homes the way she did. 

As our culture has gotten busier and more obsessed with living in magazine-perfect homes, I think we are in each others' houses less and less. Perhaps we've gradually lost the joy of serving a meal around the table. Maybe we're just too tired and want to watch TV more than anyting. Regardless, it's made me wonder lately if the gift of hospitality is going to fade into a mere memory from the last century.  

But.... 

    What if...

What if we resurrected the art of hospitality and started inviting people in again? What if we started saying, "Why don't you guys come on over for dinner tonight?" What if we weren't so obsessed with a perfectly clean house and instead, settled for a couch with no laundry on it with most of the toys off the floor? What if we didn't think we had to make a Pinterest worthy three-course dinner and decided to just grill up some burgers, open a bag of chips and skip the dessert? Would our time together be less rich because it wasn't gourmet? Or would it be better because we weren't distracted by perfection? If we met up in one another's dusty living rooms over a cup of Joe, would we be less lonely and depressed? In my opinion, I think we'd be a happier, friendlier community and a wiser nation if we decided to value hospitality once again. If we started to believe that lives could be impacted and that hearts could be encouraged all because we were willing to open our doors and let others come over, it could be remarkable.

In fact, I'm going to be so bold as to say I KNOW communities and lives would be changed! I know because my life has been beautifully impacted because others invited me in at one time or another. My marriage is different because a few friends had us over for meals and told us their own stories of hope and struggle. My heart was changed from hopeless to joyful when a friend opened her home, offered me coffee and let me talk it out. If these friends' doors would have stayed closed so their shelves could be perfectly dusted first, I would have missed out on the blessing of someone's love through their hospitality. My life was changed when they said, "Why don't you come over."

Let's face it, some days we just need a regular friend who invites us over to their regular home during their regular life while wearing regular clothes. A timely invite from a friend is almost magical. Other times, it's a sweet gift to be invited over for that special occasion with real plates and real flowers and really good dessert. But either way, it's hospitality. It's love. And it happens most magically from inside our homes. And even Scripture talks a fair amount about hospitality, as in, don't neglect it, and do it without grumbling. It's a powerful tool for showing love and kindness to one other.

As I finish pondering on how hospitality can impact our communities, I'm reminded of this little word picture. I like to call this illustration The Power of One. 

       A man is looking for someone to help him get some yard work done for the month of July. He has two payment options for the individual who is willing to work all 31 days. His first offer is that he will pay a lump sum of one million dollars at the end of the month. Or he'll pay a penny the first day and double the payment each day, until the end of the month is reached. Which payment would you take?

Hopefully you'd choose the second option. It's the difference between one million and $10,737,418.20. I like this illustration because we often think one big bang for our buck is always the best. But look what happens to one little penny, doubled, and doubled and doubled and doubled. What if you are meant to impact one person and that person learns from you how to impact one person and again that person shows another person... yeah, you see? One person impacting one person at a time will get way better results than thinking you're gonna do something HUGE one time to impact the world. Show love by opening up your home, your life, for a simple moment of food and laughter. Watch what begins to happen. 

Though I'm not near my grandma's level of hostess master yet, I do love to have people over. And after thinking about this and reading a book recently about hospitality, I realized that what my mom and grandma showed me is even more rare these days. So, what else is there to do about a subject like this than talk about it and blog about it?!? So here ya go!

If we each did this a few times a month, just imagine what Billings (or wherever you're from) would look like next year at this time?  It all starts with one invite. Who are you going to ask? It's going to be great! 

BONUS HINT: So, at this moment, I hope you're not done reading this and thinking, "Well, no one has had me over to dinner lately!" You'd be missing the entire point of this blog if so. It's up to YOU to put out the invite. Whether you have a tiny house, a dozen kids or hardly enough money to buy those tortilla chips and salsa that you're going to serve, call someone and invite them in. If you need to clean your house first, then do it! It doesn't need to be Pinterest worthy--just a clean living room, kitchen and bathroom will suffice. Close the bedroom doors and don't give a tour of the rest of your house. Ha! They're coming to see you, not your house! Put on some fun, loud music and teach your kids they can clean super fast for 30 minutes. Then make that call and invite someone over. You won't be sorry. 

 The Enabler

(The story you're about to read is true. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent--or guilty in this case.) 

My name is Candi and I am married to an enabler. This compelling story began in Montana where Daryl and I met, fell in love and got married. Not long into the marriage we discovered that despite all our love for each other, we really didn't understand one another easily. I was surprised to find out we were actually quite different. Even our interests were unfamiliar. I was the musician who started playing piano as soon as I could climb up on the bench. Early on I asked Daryl if he played anything to which he simply replied, "Does the radio count?"  I also was sure a girl couldn't own enough books. So I was shocked when he said he didn't have a favorite book. He even went so far as to confess he'd only skimmed the required books in high school. (*Gasp!) I couldn't even imagine! A life without incessant reading?!? But to be fair, one of Daryl's greatest joys in life was flying, which I knew absolutely zilch about. The first thing he'd done after graduating high school was head to Colorado to go to flight school. He was a private pilot that loved to fly the family plane every chance he got. He soon found out I knew nothing of airplanes, except that they flew. And I also knew nothing of how flight even worked. He carefully explained in great detail the workings of an airplane's flaps and rudders. He talked about the clouds and high and low pressure. Oh, be still my heart! I was mesmerized but only because he was handsome and nice. I didn't really care how the plane worked as long as it stayed in the sky! We both shared a zeal for life, but in uniquely different ways.

Through the years, we've become students of each other's interests. I've enjoyed soaring through the skies more than I'd ever dreamt I could, and Daryl has attended more concerts than he could possibly count. But I feel at this point in the story, I must reveal a secret about Daryl -- He's grown into (start dramatic music *bum *bum *bummmm) an ENABLER! He has gone beyond just learning about my interests, and instead, figured out how to supply my dreams with fuel. He spurs them on. He makes them happen. He's amazing that way. (And he's still handsome. Bonus!)

Most people see the word, enabler, in a negative light since it's often referred to as an individual who enables another  to stay in bondage to poor habits. Daryl, the positive version of an enabler, lives in a different way. He hasn't merely listened to me talk about my interests and hobbies, but instead, he's actively corroborated every single one of them. He's sacrificially given his blood, sweat and tears (and time and money) to enable me to pursue my ideas. Now, you must understand, I am not a pro at anything, (anything!) I do. That hasn't stopped his enablement. Not once has he told me, show me proof you're going to succeed and then we'll talk. Here's an example: Our first year of marriage, I started out with a black thumb. I literally killed everything alive in our apartment. So a few years later, when I wanted to grow a garden, he said, "Sure," and roto-tilled the soil. (Later in the season, together, we burned up my entire garden with too much fertilizer, but we were both young and dumb yet.)

Fast forward a few decades, thanks to Daryl's enabling ways we now have an awesome greenhouse, built and designed by Daryl; a custom fireplace in our living room, built and designed by Daryl; a camper that's getting an incredible remodel, built by Daryl; VBS science experiments that hundreds of kids have enjoyed, engineered and built by Daryl. And a few years ago, when I said I wanted to start writing, he never balked when I wanted to sign up for online classes. Instead, he bought me my new computer, Mac (aka, the other man in my life) and has driven me to bookstores in every state we travel through. He is thee very definition of being an enabler. I could stack up miles of evidence to prove his guilt but I believe I've made my point. He has blessed me with the ability to make so many wonderful things possible.

I appreciate that he looks at my imperfect dreams and ideas, listens patiently, then jumps on board and truly enables me to be creative and active in other people's lives.  I could not do what I do... without him. Often times, my life is lived on a stage or in a more visible manner than his, but what most people don't know is that he's the one that makes it all possible. Whether it's a tent and tables set up in the backyard for out latest tea party or a new keyboard that's battery charged so I can type in the mountains while we camp, he is the perfect enabler in my life. I am a life blessed by his kindness. For all you do, my Love, thank you!

     enable- to make able; to supply with power, physical or moral; to supply with means

     enabler- a person or thing that makes something possible