Who's in Charge Here?

Who tells you what to do?  Do you let anyone boss you around?

And honestly, who do I want telling me what to do?

The answer:   Uhm... nobody!!!

My human nature says, "You're not my boss!"  (Actually, I think my brother Matt and I used to say those very words when we'd fight with each other as kids.) What I was actually saying was "I'm my own boss, so quit telling me what to do!"  But this quandary of who lords over us is excruciatingly important.  It's not just an issue that arguing children deal with.  We grapple with this everyday as adults.  Who is in charge of us?

We are in the middle of voting for a President this week so I thought it was the perfect time to reflect on who's in charge of my life.  Who is my leader?  Who has ruling authority? Am I going to consent to let someone be master over me? Do I still silently say "No one is my boss but me so don't tell me what to do!"

Voting appeals to us because it gives us power.  Power to choose our leaders.  We look at names listed on a page or screen and put a decisive check mark that weighs our voice among fellow countrymen.  I am very patriotic and am so proud to be an American.  I love my country and am overwhelmed with thankfulness for the freedom I have!  We will find out in a few days who the President will be for the next four years.  I'll admit it... I get excited every election!

But there stands a greater decision at stake than "who is your choice for President?"  It's this:

Who is your King? 

No polling booth.  No voter registration.  No ballot with names waiting to be checked.  But the question stands and the answer you choose will last longer than a four year term.  Who is in charge of your life?  God? Or you?  There are only those two choices. Since human nature is to be independent and stubborn, we do not easily give up the throne to our lives.  As self-appointed kings, we like to make our own decrees and rules.  But that goes against everything Jesus taught.  We must lose our life to gain it.  We are called to surrender.  Yield. We'd rather vote than kneel!   But he's a good King.  He's true.  He's just.  He's not a candidate, a contender or a wannabe.  He just... IS!  Yes, He is the Great I Am.

Guess it seems like food for thought to remember that leaders have come and gone, empires have risen and fallen, but there is a King in this universe who has remained in power and "is the same yesterday, today and forever" and "all authority in heaven and on earth are given to him."

As stubborn and independent as I am, I've never regretted giving away my heart to Him.  I still wrestle with what I want versus yielding to what God wants some days, but He is my King and I love him with all my heart and I will follow him all the days of my life!

The Answer Is A SQUIRREL! Get Real!

"If your house was burning down, but you knew you had time to safely grab three things, what would you grab?"  

I heard this question asked during a Sunday School lesson sometime in my early adolescent years.  Used as a tool to get kids to ponder what truly matters, the question was a good one.

BUT... for a kid like me who was all about giving the "right" answers in order to please the audience, I quickly weighed my answer according to the "invisible-ultra spiritual-scale" that would score me the biggest points.

0 points - Selfish things such as a favorite toy, stuffed animal, or shirt.
3 points - Semi-important family items such as birth certificates, Social Security
                  cards, bills
5 points - Sentimental family items such as pictures, hand-made art hanging on
                  the fringe
10 points - Spiritual items such as hymn book, concordance, old sermon notes
50 points - My Bible
200 points - Everyone's bibles, especially the ones containing the most hand-
                   written study notes

What I was really thinking I'd have wanted to save from the fiery grave was my favorite stuffed deer named Bambi, the afghan my grandma crocheted for me, and my favorite necklace of a bear swinging from the chain.  But what I said and thought was this:

"I'd have to say my Bible" (even though I know I could buy a new one but 

                                                   that's the "right" answer!)

"My dad and mom's bibles" (because that shows I'm thinking of them)

"Nothing else" (because that drives home the proof that I don't love earthly 

                                      possessions.  That sounds very, VERY spiritually mature)

I was truly a pleaser to the core of my being!  I didn't answer with genuine answers because I'd predetermined those were not the "right" answers to give a teacher.  And what's a teacher suppose to say to that?  "Oh, come on kid!  What would you honestly grab?"  Are there children in  the world that would  grab their bibles from a burning house?  Probably.  But in the back of my head, I knew I could go down to the local book store and buy another, but that sounded shallow.

We are taught to Be honest - Don't lie. Well, except at church. How do we become people who smile and answer "I'm fine" when things are actually going haywire?  I don't know if there is one big universal answer for everyone but I think it's tied to a belief that being "real" can make you vulnerable to judgement.  Inside, we can play the mind game just like I did when the burning house question came - "I'd like to say I'm lonely today or being a mom is tough sometimes, but the answer with the most points is 'FINE'".  

Sometimes our lives aren't fine.  Sometimes we are stuck in a crazy cycle in our marriages.  Some days we wish we could have the whole house to ourselves because our kids are driving us insane.  Sometimes we blow it big time and  reap the consequences of our own sin.  Some days we are surrounded by people and yet we feel like an island.  Let's be real!  There are good times.  But there are bad times, too.  We need to be loving and gracious with each other in all circumstances.  

Here's an easy test to take to see if you are comfortable being genuine.  Ask this question:

"What's got a bushy tail, lives in trees and eats nuts?"

If you want to answer "Jesus" just because that's the "right" answer, then maybe you're struggling with being honest and genuine.  By the way, for all you fellow Pharisees out there, the answer is A SQUIRREL!  And yes, Jesus is also the answer to all the things in life that truly matter - honest!  

I Want To Be Genuine...Not a Convincing Counterfeit

Genuine - not fake or counterfeit; original; real; authentic

Have you ever seen a picture that was so gorgeous that you were almost sure it had to be doctored?  Or something so strange you knew it couldn't be real?

This is definitely...


           NOT REAL!


But  it is amazing how authentic it looks.







These days, as kids watch movies, I often wonder if they can even tell the difference between the genuine and the computer generated images since it all melds together so smoothly.  I remember watching Sci Fi movies and groaning to my brother, "That doesn't even look real."  Corny effects helped to expose the artificial origins.  How are we suppose to detect the difference these days?

The "fake" looks so convincing anymore.  Bombarded with "perfect" images everywhere, we can hardly remember what a picture of a woman looks like without the airbrushed transformations on every crease and shadow of her face and body.  We crave the authentic and yet are drowning in the believable artificial!

Convincing Counterfeits.
                            We are surrounded by them.
                                                           Sometimes....we are them.


Legalism is very dangerous because of how authentically good it looks on the outside when inside, it's not as it appears.
     Legalism convinces the brokenhearted to put on a mask of happiness.
     Legalism makes mirages out of unhealthy marriages.
     Legalism controls the child to behave instead of learn.
     Legalism hides corrupt priests in honorable looking robes.
     Legalism hides the truth for fear of what others may say.

I've been trying to put into words how important being "real" with each other is. I'm struggling to gather my thoughts.  Perhaps it's because I am in the process of learning this myself.  It's difficult to write about something when you're still formulating your thoughts.  Bear with me.  I plan to write on this through out the week.

As one of my favorite quotes says..."We do not write in order to be understood, but we write in order to understand." -C. Day Lewis    Guess I have yet to understand genuine.  I know I want to be real and allow others to feel like they can be real around me.  It's one of my favorite things about God.  He is who he says he is and he takes me as I am.  No airbrushing needed.  In fact, he's seen every part of me - even the garbage.  It doesn't get anymore real than that!

"Your Dad went home to be with the Lord today"

There once was a storm in Oregon.  Storms are not unusual there, but this was a very big storm. Trees down.  Power out.  Cell towers without service. Flooding. This storm struck right where my parents, my sister and her family and my niece lived.  We'd watched video as the weather channel reported the chaos.  Since we couldn't get a hold of anyone, we just had to be patient and wait.

During this time, the Lord gave me a very deep calm and overwhelming sense of peace.  It was strangely odd - as if "unnecessarily" present.

I remember sitting at the counter telling Daryl, "I need to be ok with the reality that tsunamis happen, storms happen, bad things happen.  There is nothing I can do to stop any of those.  I'm strangely, totally alright with the fact that my family rests in the hands of the Lord.  Even if a horrible wave hits the entire west coast of Oregon, God will be there with them, even unto death. I need to be ok with that. And amazingly, I am.  I'm so glad this is not all we have to live for.  We have a hope and a future that's sure."

Sounds a bit morbid maybe, but it was a point of mentally surrendering my family to God.  That was a point I had never been at before.  A day or two later, my Dad found a spot where there was phone service and called briefly to say they were alright.  Roads were closed all around, no power, no cell phones, some flooding, but they were safe.  I told him thanks for calling, we'd been praying for them and glad all was well.

That was the last time I talked to my dad.

My brother-in-law Tytus called December 5th, 2007.  He simply said.  "This is Tytus.  I'm calling to give you some news.  Your dad went home to be with the Lord today."  I just remember my heart  feeling like it was going to stop beating from shear shock.  I just remember saying, "What?" since I must not have heard him right.  He repeated the same words this time, his emotions giving away the pain in having to deliver the message.  That "unnecessary peace"  had been put in place by God in preparation for this moment.

My kids immediately felt that there was something wrong.  "WHAT Mom?"  I swallowed hard and told them what Uncle Tytus had said.  Grandpa Dave had gone home to be with the Lord.  "You mean Papa John?" (my dad's dad)  No.  YOUR grandpa. Not mine.  They began to sob and we held each other and cried for a while.  Daryl came home to find us in tears.  He, too, thought he must have heard wrong.  You mean Grandpa John?  No.  Dad.

My dad died of a massive heart attack while helping remove downed trees.  He was only 58.

Just like that.  In a moment, he had left this earth to be in the presence of Jesus! His faith had become sight.  God had prepared my heart for this moment by saturating it with peace.  But the other part of this story? God had prepared my dad's heart, too.  How could I possibly know that?  The final words my dad wrote in his journal just days before he died...

"I'm ready, Lord.  Come quickly."    

I really miss my dad.  There are so many more conversations I wish I could have with him.  Guess I'll just have to wait until I see him again in Heaven.  Like I told my kids before Dad's funeral, "This isn't good bye.  It's only 'See you later'".  

"Blessed Are The Flexible For They Shall Not Break"

Do you remember this saying?

When E.F. Hutton talks.... people listen.

Do you have an E.F. Hutton in your life?  Someone that demands your attention simply because they possess incredible amounts of insight and wisdom. You hush up since you don't want to miss a word they say.  There is such a woman living at a Christian Camp in Ekalaka, Montana.  Her name is Pat.  To look at her, she is tiny in stature, but once you've gotten to know her, hear her and watch her, she grows into a giant right before your eyes.  Not physically, but spiritually.  She would tell you, it's not her, but her Savior.  She's right.  It's Christ in her-all to His glory!  Her life is a living picture of what it looks to allow Jesus to reign and have power over all you do.  When a life is completely open to the Holy Spirit, pouring into others as a conduit of God's love and truth, the amount of influence that can flow is immeasurable!


As newly weds, Daryl and I went to a marriage retreat that Pat and her husband, Bob, led.  We learned nuggets of wisdom that helped give us a good, healthy start to our relationship. "Catch for us the little foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyard." (Song of Solomon 2:15)  It's the little things that can rob your blossoming relationships, so catch them before they trample it to death, they taught.  Good advice.  Godly counsel.

Through the years, I'd brush shoulders with Pat-gleaning a little here and a little there.  Reading her book, Tears in the Bug Juice was inspiring.  She told of the sweet and tough times of trusting God to provide for their camp as it began.  How did this Southern Belle end up in Eastern Montana peeling logs to build camp structures?  By the hand of God - and a willing heart.

When Daryl and I had slowly let our marriage deteriorate, we went back to camp during another marriage retreat.  We found restoration and hope in God's Word, faithfully taught once again by Bob and Pat.

Over a deli sandwich another day, Pat got me thinking about writing, which is in part where this blog comes from.  She asked if I could write a book, what would I write about.  After pouring out my dreams and thoughts, she smiled and said, "There's a book written about that very thing called The Hidden Art of Homemaking."  I ordered it and devoured it!

Pat and Bob are celebrating 50 years of marriage this month.  Because of the beautiful things that have grown out of Pat's life, I take seriously what she shares.  She knows what she is talking about.  She practices what she preaches.  She isn't perfect, but she is wise!  She may not feel like a Southern Belle after decades at a camp, but she is a daughter of the King and that's much better!

She still says Pat-isms, which cause many a young lady to stop and pay heed.  When Pat talks, people listen.  My favorite Pat-ism this year...

"Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not break!"


Thank you Pat!  My life looks different because you are in it.  Happy Anniversary to you both and may God bless you richly for the love you've shared with the world.  We love you!

Pat, my E.F. Hutton

Compass of Desires

A compass is made to point North, giving direction, assurance.  My compass is often more like Jack Sparrow's compass.  It swings around, looking to point toward what my heart wants the most.  Do you remember that part in the Pirate movies?  Jack's compass pointed toward what he desired most, instead of pointing steadily North.  During that time, he could hardly give an order to his crew as to where they should set sail because he didn't know what he wanted anymore and the needle danced around, out of control.

During the sermon today, God really spoke to my heart about something.  I realized I mostly do what I want to do - what my heart desires.  Like Jack's messed up compass, I hope to get direction based on what I want!  Instead of anticipating that the navigational direction in my life is going to only point North, or in a spiritual sense, to Truth, I wait with bated breath only to do what my selfish desire wants too much of the time.

Today being Mother's Day, I wish I could tell you I am always sacrificial with my time, money and energy.  Instead, I awakened to the fact that I am still selfish.  Rats!  I thought that surely by now I wouldn't have to battle with my self-centeredness.  I wish that I did have a compass I could whip out, look at and see my desires miraculously match up with God's desires for me and that I'd happily set a coarse to follow them.  Sometimes I want to be lazy.  Sometimes I just want to gripe.  Sometimes I think I'll ignore. I really want to be "good" all the time, but I also want my own way.  I think this must be that internal battle Paul talked about in Romans 7.
                  
          "For I do not understand my own actions.  For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.  For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh.  For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing."  


Sure, us moms do a lot of things to help make the world go round.  One example?  That fridge doesn't just magically fill up with food. We surely do many things for the love of our families.  But unfortunately, even us moms are not immune to struggling with selfishness.  I hope though, that as the years continue to go by and I can pray, MORE OF YOU JESUS IN MY LIFE, the more syncopated my compass needle will be with God's desires.  Oh, how I wish I could put aside all my selfishness.  It's exhausting to wrestle myself each day.  But I honestly do want the Lord to be honored in my life. Today was a day to recommit my "wants" to my Lord and ask that he'd bring my longings into sync with His.

Come on! Pick up!

One day our youngest, who is eleven, called a phone number, then turned on the speaker phone to ask, "What does that mean?"

*beep*  *beep*  *beep*  *beep*  

Haha!  It was a busy signal!  I hadn't heard one of those in a long time now that cell phones are around.  Everyone seems to have one, giving us instant access at all times.

As many of my friends and family can attest, I am not a fan of answering the phone all the time.  Honestly, there are times the phone just interrupts life at the wrong moment.  I think my lack of urgency to answer it stems out from time in life when we were in full-time ministry.  Our phone rang like normal people until dad was a Pastor.  Then...it rang ALL THE TIME!  We could scarcely eat a meal without it ringing several times.  Because you never knew if it was an urgent matter (and that's part of what ministry involves) you answer it.  I can't imagine what it's like for Pastors in this day and age with cell phones.  It's got to be tougher than ever to get away and rest.

Growing up, the only other person I remember needing to be available at all times was the Doctor.  You'd be sitting in church when   *beep*  *beep*  *beep*  the pager hanging from his belt would go off, alerting everyone that there was some emergency he needed to head off to.  A Pastor and a Doctor have this in common - they are aids to those with brokenness.  One for the body. One for the soul.  And you never know when those needs will arise.

Then, there is the Great Physician.  The Great Shepherd.  We have instant access to Him at all times.  No busy signal.  No call-waiting.  No being put on hold.  And amazingly, He never sleeps, so we'll never miss being able to reach him.  This is something about God that is mind boggling to me.  Being an exhaustible human being, I can not fathom the fact that he in inexhaustible! 

Always present.  Always wise. Always powerful.  Always there.

(Ironically, just after writing this, we were trying to reach Daryl's mom and couldn't get her.  Realizing it had been more than 24 hours since any of us in the family had talked to her, we began to worry a bit.  If you know Marly, you know she is Jonny-on-the-spot with her phone, so it wasn't like her to NOT answer!  We used our open line to God this morning already as we prayed for her, hoping she was alright.  I had to laugh at the timing of this situation in light of this post!  Marilyn is fine...by the way.  She'd just turned her phone off.  Haha!)