A Song of Hope

This will not be a typical blog today.  Instead, mainly words to a song that has consumed my thoughts today- A song which has moved me to tears more times than any other song in my life.  I think it's because the words sum up everything that makes my heart beat...especially in the dark days. The lyrics to this old tune offers Hope. I decided to post them because, well... I don't know.  I needed them. Maybe you need them today, too?   

     Because He Lives

God sent His Son, they called him Jesus

He came to love, heal and forgive;

He lived and died to buy my pardon.

An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives.

Because He lives 

I can face tomorrow;

Because He lives all fear is gone;

Because I know He holds the future,

And life is worth the living just because He lives!

How sweet to hold our newborn baby,

And feel the pride and joy he gives;

But greater still the calm assurance,

This child can face uncertain days because He lives.

And then one day I'll cross that river

I'll fight life's final war with pain;

And then as death gives way to victory,

I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He reigns.

Because He lives 

I can face tomorrow;

Because He lives all fear is gone;

Because I know He holds the future,

And life is worth the living just because He lives!

I was reminded today of how much hurt and heartache this life brings. As I often do when I need to think and pray, I sat at my piano bench and began to play, this time from an "old favorite". Eventually, I came across this song and was reminded of how much more hope there is than heartache, all because of Jesus. 

It's not the first time this song has stopped me in my tracks and brought me to tears.  Not tears of sadness, but of joy and hope. I still miss my dad and Daryl's dad. Death and disease are so hard.  As I was praying for friends whose son has been moved to a hospice home, I couldn't think of better words to meditate on than these. I especially love the words "But greater still the calm assurance, this child can face uncertain days because He lives."  I have no idea what my future holds for me or my kids or friends, and that can be unsettling when I take my eyes off of Jesus. But when I fix my eyes on Him, I remember that He really does hold the future, for all eternity.  I love that!

Sometimes I wonder what it must be like for those who've already gone on before us, who are in the presence of God, as they sing songs, maybe like this one.  How much more whole-heartedly they must sing at the top of their lungs since their eyes get to behold Him.  Oh, what a day that will be!!!  

"FREEEEEEDOOOOM!!!!"

"THEN... you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:32, words spoken by Jesus himself)  I'm sure you've heard these words spoken before. We long to be free! This isn't talking about freedom as a nation, but instead as an individual...in a spiritual sense. Did you catch that tiny, enormous word though?
             
          Then...

So small, yet its job is to conjoin two thoughts. If, then, that.
   
     "Finish your homework, then you can go out with friends."
          "First, I'll pay my bills, then I'll buy those shoes."
                "Plant a garden, care for it, have patience then harvest the food."

What comes before the "then" matters. It builds the stage, the principle, upon which we base the condition of the reward. Oh, how often I want to put the cart before the horse! Don't you?

But, what did Jesus say BEFORE "...then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free"? This: "If you hold to my teaching, you are truly my disciples. THEN you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free."

All through John 8, Jesus is trying to tell the Pharisees, when I say I am God, believe me! I am He! This was the teaching he wanted them to grasp hold of. They were totally missing the point. He in essence was telling them, "Follow me, believe me, obey me, make me Lord of your life over all you do, and then you will be truly free!"

And in response they sneered, "Who do you think you are?!?"

Lately, I've been pondering how I could have more of Jesus in my life. Bottom line, I've decided I need to learn more about the words Master and Lord. I still battle wanting to have my way all the while expecting the blessings and freedom Jesus speaks of. Some days I sound like a Pharisee and silently grumble, "Who do you think you are? I'm my own boss! Nobody is going to tell me what to do!"

I'm realizing though, God's kingdom is full of oxymorons:

"Whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it."
"So the last will be first, and the first will be last."
"For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Whatever, right? Sounds like a broken accounting, doesn't it? But I'm understanding more and more that that's exactly what God's grace in my life looks like. Trust him, and blessing pours out. So when he says, "You want freedom? Make me Master," it sounds totally backward. But it's true! I'm continually learning to live more for Him and will wholeheartedly attest to the abundant freedom in my own life thanks to my Heavenly Father's mastery over it!!! Strange but true!

I debated whether or not to "share" this blog, because it may sound a little "preachy" but I got to thinking how universal the longing for true freedom is. Everyone wants it. But it is only found in Jesus. If you are looking for this kind of freedom, might I encourage you to start by reading the book of John in the bible? It's beautiful. It's true. It tells of true life!


If you are heavy burdened, bound up by the sin in your life, in slavery to things you think will rule you forever, like addictions, dark secrets, an ugly past, not measuring up to perfection, anything, come to Jesus! Give your life to Him, make him Master, and ironically, you will not receive slavery, but freedom! This is the beginning of knowing God's grace.  If you say to yourself, "Yeah, I've done that before and it's just a bunch of heavy do's and don'ts, it's not freedom," you're absolutely right!!! Someone probably gave you the Law. The Law does not offer Life. Truly, Jesus' yoke is light, not a heavy burden. I'd beg you to read Galatians to see what He has to say about it. I have seen and experienced the difference between grace and law.  One leads to life, the other to death. He is a good God and loves you and wants to give you Life! That is he came and gave His life, so that you may have Life and have it more abundantly. Another broken, but beautiful accounting from God's kingdom!

     "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free." Galatians 5:1
          "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." John 8:36


*If you want to look up the places I found these bits of truth, here they are:
     Matthew 11:30
     John 10:10
     Romans 8:1-3
     Romans 6:14
     Galatians 3:21-26

The REST of the Story...Candi Style

I've heard it said that people feel more lonely, less content, and a general sense of dissatisfaction after looking at Facebook. Evidently, since people post mainly the "high points" of life on their pages we conclude that our life seems dull and boring compared to everyone else's. I've started giving some thought to this lately.  Hmm... Do I only put on edited versions of a glorified life? Have I put up pictures of misbehaving, unkept kids? Would I ever post a picture of my home so messy it looked like a bomb just exploded? How about a picture of myself fuming, mad with nostrils flaring?

Granted, I don't think anyone gets on Facebook to see my piles of laundry, cheerios on my unswept kitchen floor, or a family pic of us amid a fight. But I do think this argument against presenting "edited, perfect lives" reveals a longing we all have.
We long to know the genuine. Part of that is finding out we aren't the only ones with imperfections. It's easy to deceive ourselves into thinking that every other mother must be doing everything right or that all your friends keep a clean house all the time. Or that everyone else's marriage is conflict-free and all smiles.

So, just like Paul Harvey's old radio program, "The Rest of the Story," I'm going to share a couple of recent "rest-of-the-stories" from my life. Yes, I recently posted that I painted the entry of our home. I am not gonna lie...I love how it turned out! I've wanted to do this for years. But as my family can attest, every time I get into a project that fills my creative need, my house goes to pot! Since a picture is worth a thousand words, I'll show you.

While this happened, just feet away...

...this is what the kitchen turned into!

Our Christmas vacation really WAS fun this year, but this was all you saw...

We enjoyed wonderful weather along the beach where we did take walks and drink coffee and enjoy the retreat from the regular everyday grind. But what you didn't see was that we had one of THESE on the way home...

We had a doozy of a fight in the van on the way home. Actually, I didn't take a picture of THAT moment so this picture captures the
essence of its nature as good as anything!

                       

So, yes, I am a woman who enjoys painting for days on end but I have a knack for letting the dailies turn into mounds. Paint dries on walls while food dries on plates. I'm blessed to have a husband who takes me on vacation and works hard to make it possible. I'm equally blessed that he also works to fight through the tough things, too.  Life is messy! Sometimes it's REALLY hard! Some days I just want to hug my kids so hard because I love them so much. Other days, I want to hug them a little "extra" tight and ring their necks!!!

Anyway, we all have unkept, hard areas of life. I'm not saying we need to post pictures of it all online, mind you, but when I heard this conversation about contentment in light of pristine Facebook profiles, I just thought it was a good reminder to keep it REAL and remember we all have the "un-postable" moments. It doesn't make us bad. It's just life. And let's not compare because we'd be comparing against an edited perfect version that's unattainable.

And that's the rest of the story... my story. Dishes, laundry, fights, and all.

Something My Mom Never Said

We grow up to say a lot of the same things our mothers said:
     "Close that door! We're not heating the whole neighborhood!"
          "If all of your friends jump off a cliff are you going to jump too?"
               "Because I'm the mom...that's why!"

One of my favorites of Mom and I

I realized this week that my mom deserves a shout out for something she DIDN'T say:
                 
         "I'm so fat!" or "I need to lose some weight."

I NEVER heard my mom say these words growing up.  In fact, she never really commented on her size, her height, her weight, her hair, her teeth, her skin, or her cloths (unless she just bought something for a steal-of-a-deal!)  Until recently, I hadn't given this much thought. But now that I am the mom of a high school age daughter who's learning where to find her identity, I realize how valuable it is for her to see that I'm content with how God's designed me.

I'm comfortable with who I am.  I like my hair.  I like my eyes.  I like my height.  I even like my crooked teeth and my girly curves.  Why?  I think it's because I had a mom who taught me to be content by BEING content. Profound, huh? Honestly, my mom's weight and fashion were not subjects of conversation. Actually, we didn't even own a scale growing up. The only reason my mom has a scale now is to weigh her luggage so she can maximize her suitcase when she flies out to visit us kids. Numbers like weight and age do not matter in the VanDyken household.

After reading a thought-provoking article this week about moms refraining from getting into family photos because they don't like to look at pictures of themselves, I was reminded how much we can battle self-image and identity problems if we aren't careful. If we want to bring up daughters with healthy self-images, then WE must have healthy views, too! We can't teach what we don't know.

Our culture is obsessed with beauty, "artificial" beauty. Think I'm exaggerating?  Why else do women feel the need to lie about their age?  Dye hair to hide the grey?  Bleach teeth white?  Botox?  Spanx? Miracle creams? The list goes on... Please understand, I'm not saying these things are wrong, but maybe we should be asking ourselves what our daughters are thinking when we spend a small fortune on these things.  I'm only going on my own experience in this area in order to come to my conclusion, but I've determined that having a mom who isn't ashamed of her age, takes good care of herself by living with everything in moderation, is immeasurably influential. My mom still uses the occasional support hose and self-dyes her hair, but doesn't obsesses about her "roots". Because comparing is human nature, I'm positive my mom has compared herself to others, but she didn't ever say it out loud. I've benefited from that.  I hope I can pass that on to my daughter.

My mom is a beautiful woman who now gets to order discounted senior meals. She loves that. How do I know? She's bragged about it! I love that!!!

So, fellow moms, next time we get our family pics back, let's be careful we don't point out all of the things we hate about the way we look.  Instead, comment on the fun you were all having at that moment. That's what your kids see when they look at the pictures. Their eyes don't even see our double chins, rolls around the tummy, or our hair out of place. Our daughters especially need to hear us adore each other regardless of whether we had make-up on for the picture.

One last thought.
                   Live. Laugh. Love.

People hang these words on their walls and print them on photo albums.  No one ever hangs the words:
                 Pose. Suck in your tummy. Fake it.

Be yourself.  Fall in love with how God made you. You're delightful...just the way you are! And Mom, thanks for the lesson...your actions spoke much louder than your words.  P.S. You are one beautiful mama!

        

Security - A "Snipe" Hunt

Ever been "snipe" hunting? It's a practical joke played on unsuspecting, gullible victims where they are taken into the woods under the cover of nighttime to hunt for mysteriously illusive birds called snipes, armed only with a flashlight and sack. Unknowingly, they follow conspirators on a "wild goose chase" of sorts. As they're repeatedly asked, "Did you see that one?" the flashlights sporadically illuminate the ground. They stare, expecting to see a tiny bird run through the underbrush. The unsuspecting victims have been told if they're quick enough they may just catch one of these rare birds in a sack. Actually, they haven't been led on a hunting expedition at all! Instead, they're only the newest suckers to be laughed at by smug conspirators who were probably once victims themselves.

Ever been "security" hunting? It's very similar to snipe hunting. We will hunt aimlessly in the darkest times of our lives, looking to capture that illusive unattainable thing called security. We've been told by others that it can be found... if we'd just know where to look. We even trust that if we act quickly enough, we'll be able to snag it!  Unfortunately, security here on earth is as much a tall tale as the snipe hunt. No security will ever be found here. It can not be found in stockpiling money or food or even gold, as some would have us believe. You can not find it in relationships since people, too, are imperfect and broken. It isn't found in a free nation nor a strong military. No fall-out shelter or nuclear weapon can guarantee safety. No gun. No job. No miracle cure.* Nothing can give us the ultimate security we longingly hope for. Governments will crumble; jobs will fail; money is fleeting; food doesn't sustain long; shelters are vulnerable. And lastly, but most importantly, our bodies will die no matter what we do to attain safety in the end. (Whew...aren't you glad you're reading this blog today?!?)

I know you didn't come to this page to be depressed out of your mind. So, why all this doom and gloom? Because there is GOOD NEWS!!! And after a week filled with stories of government shutdowns, stage four cancer discovered, adoptions put on hold yet again, death of loved ones, missing children, marriages broken, corrupt leaders, wars and talk of more wars and even just the daily onslaught of ugly world news, I've had to be reminded that there is no security in anything! But, instead, in someONE!

God, and God alone.

For His Word tells us these things:
 
(Psalm 46:1,2) God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the middle of the sea.

(Hebrews 13:5b,6) For He has said, “I will never leave you, nor forsake you.” So that we may boldly say, “The Lord is my Helper,” and I will not fear what man shall do to me.

(Psalm 18:2) The Lord is my rock, and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in Whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.

In Hebrews, I love how it talks of men and women who had faith to believe God in the midst of their crumbling lives.  Hebrews 11 starts out saying, "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." SURE of what we hope for! Not wish-upon-a-star faith but faith on the truth God tells us about himself and heaven. Now that's a hope worth counting on!  I especially love how it says about Abraham that he was "looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God." And later Hebrews 11 summarizes the faith of these people by saying in verse 13, "All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance.  And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. Instead, they were longing for a better country--a heavenly one."

Do you see it?  They still died!  But it didn't rob them of their hope in God and what he'd promised and that promise wasn't heaven on earth.  It was Heaven!  Eternity with Him. There is nothing certain on earth but death. But the AMAZING answer to that devastating news is that there is a God in Heaven who offers nothing but Life to those who repent of following the gods of this world and follow him exclusively.  Like I wrote earlier, no "god" in the form of  money, nor person, nor government, nor disease cure, nor form of false safety and security can give you hope. They are false gods. False security. Only God is the everlasting Rock, the same yesterday, today and forever.  I, too, want to be counted among those in Hebrews 11 who "were longing for a better country--a heavenly one," while still living in this one with purpose and impact.

Let's not be lured into a "wild goose chase" offered by the Deceiver to go "security" hunting where there is none. To be fooled into snipe hunting is one thing, but to be fooled into thinking we can find safety in anything or anyone but God alone is no game, but dangerous to our souls.

*  I'd just like to add that we own and live in a home, fill our pantry, own guns, save money, take medicine and have lots of meaningful relationships. These things aren't wrong...they're just not where real security is found. I felt like I needed to add my "Christian Disclaimer".  Old habits die hard!

You named him WHAT?!?

Apple. Robin Graves. Sparrow. Pilot Inspecktor. And brothers, Stan Still and Sid Still.

What do these all have in common?  They are names.  Strange names.

One of my sons recently asked, "Do you think people basically become who they are named?" As I sat there pondering the question he added, "If you would have named me something other than Trey, do you think I would be someone else?"

After a few examples ran through my mind I answered best I could. "Well, I guess our names can affect us to some extent because they are words spoken over us, day in and day out. So, if your name causes you great ridicule at school, it would shape your perception of yourself. If you're named Bubba you probably wouldn't grow up to be a wimp. Actually, I've got to tell you a story my mom once told me about a man whose mother already had several sons and was hoping for a daughter...REALLY BAD! When yet another son was born to her, with some resentment she still named her son, Gwyndolin, her prized girl-name. Evidently, he went by Sam. Needless to say though, he was a bit of an odd duck. Furthermore, the Bible has gobs of examples of people whose names were significant. I suppose I'd conclude that, yes, your name does affect you."

To this Trey replied, "Why couldn't you have named me Awesome Dunking Guy then?!" Coming from a 6' 2" teenager who loves to play basketball, it was a really funny moment.* Trey tends to come up with strange and unusual thoughts often, but this one has stuck with me.  What we hear ourselves called, day in and day out, matters.

If you hear affectionate words such as Sweetheart, Honey, and Babe, you can't help but feel loved. If you continually absorb words such as Jerk, Idiot, and well, let's just say "worse", they will also penetrate your heart, but in a devastating manner. Our words matter...significantly! What we call each other is enduring.

Parenting Confession #27 - I have called my kids names I wish I could take back. The Pharisee-half of my parenting tries to justify that it was alright because I didn't call them the forbidden "cuss words". But the Grace-half knows that it was the tone that I used that did the damage. Whether I'm half whispering, "You little TURKEY," through gritted teeth or silently rolling my eyes at them, they get the message loud and clear.

          "The tongue has the power of life and death..." (Prov. 18:21a)
                 "Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul
                     and healing to the bones." (Prov. 16:24)

What we call one another will ricochet in our minds for years to come. Therefore, speaking life-giving words is pinnacle! Names. They mean so much!  Just as Marion Robert Morrison upgraded his name to John Wayne and Ethel Gumm morphed into Judy Garland, name changes are only golden if they are an improvement. This is why my phone says Daryl-Your Hot Husband when he rings not Daryl-Your Loser Husband. One word makes all the difference. (And "HOT" is true so that makes that one easy!)

And by the way, Dad and Mom, thanks for naming me Candi. I've always loved it. But I especially can't wait until my kids have kids of their own and I'm upgraded to GRANDMA CANDI!  Best. Name. EVER!  I'll have to have Smarties and Lifesavers in my pockets at all times just to live up to the name!
       *Right away after Trey read this he said, "Mom! You forgot to mention that I CAN dunk the ball!" So, just to clear this up, he IS THE AWESOME DUNKING GUY even without the official name.  :)  

So...What do you do?

I'm guessing you've been here before...
         
        You go to a birthday party for a friend. Throughout the evening you meet a few new people and this type of conversation happens:

"Hi. I'm Candi." (An awkward handshake transpires)

"Nice to meet you.  I'm Jane." (A courtesy smile is exchanged)

"How do you know the birthday girl?" 

"We went to school together.  How about you?"

"The hospital.  We work together." (And then it happens... the default question asked thousands of times a day around the globe) "So, what do you do?"

It's a typical question asked when two people meet.  But today I had a funny thought. 
        
      What would happen if we just came right out and asked "Who are you?" 

Isn't that what we are REALLY asking? Maybe it's because we have confused what we DO with who we ARE. But what we "do" changes as life changes. Jobs shift. Positions are fleeting. Careers take u-turns. Children grow up. But who we are remains the same through all this. Whether I'm single or married, mothering or working, I'm still me. It's easiest to answer with something like "I'm a nurse; a stay home mom; a teacher; a truck driver; a secretary; a mechanic." But none of these answers the WHO question. These are all what I do, but not who I am.

How would you answer the who-are-you question if someone had the guts to come right out and ask? For me, I think I would be in such shock at the directness of the question, it would take me a while to answer and even then I don't know what I'd say. Though indirect waltzing conversations are the norm, I believe each person longs to be known. Really known.  I believe there is a deeper question we wrestle with here: Where does my identity come from?

I'm going to pick on the queen of England here for a minute.  I wonder what she would say if asked, "So tell me, who are you?" Would she furrow her brow in surprise and come back, "Why, I'm the queen of England!?"  Outside of this royal position though, who is she really? What makes her happy, sad, giddy, angry. What's her favorite book and why? What's something she wishes her family understood about her? What makes her smile in satisfaction? Does her heart ache with longings unfulfilled?

I would argue that we aren't much different than a queen.  We are most often identified by what we do and who we are associated with.  But ultimately, our identity doesn't come from who we are married to, where we went to college, what our father's name was, what our occupation is, or who calls us "mama", "Mrs." or "Your Majesty." Might I suggest the best place to anchor our identity is in the One who never changes. In Jesus.

I'm not suggesting that the next birthday party I attend I'm going to answer the "What do you do" question with an "I'm not what I do! I'm a daughter of God, joint heir with Jesus. I know who I am. Who are you?" No way!  But if I am content and satisfied with who I am in God's eyes, I won't feel as though I need to get the approval of the asker of that notorious "What do you do" question.  Perhaps I will even go as far as to share a bit more of who I really am because I'm not scrapping for my identity and significance in the "doings" of my life or the title of my name.

I'll still share that I am a musician, artist, dish-washer, wife, mother, sister, house cleaner, teacher and cook. But silently inside, I can feel content because I am also a child of the King of Kings. So, feel free to call me "Your Majesty." Haha!  I'm just kidding about the "Your Majesty" part, but there is a quiet contentment that comes from knowing my identity is in Christ first and foremost and that He tells me he loves me very much.

After pondering this for the day, I think I may even try something new by asking, "So, tell me a bit about yourself.  Who are you?" instead of just "So, what do you do?" I'm curious to see what will happen. Aren't you a little bit curious how people will respond, too? Try it. Let's be curious together!