"Come on over!" Words that can change lives.

What if you could influence your world by hosting dinner in your home? What if you could show someone that you loved them by sitting on the sofa for a couple hours, sipping coffee? What if you could encourage a family who've hit a rough spot in life by ordering pizza and watching a silly movie together? 

What keeps us from opening our doors and having people in? I'm sure the reasons vary. For some, it may be a new concept if you didn't grow up having droves of people over. 

I was blessed to grow up in an environment of constant hospitality. (Truth be told, when I was a kid it didn't always feel like a blessing when mom said we had to pick up the living room super fast because someone was coming over. Fortunately, mom had conditioned us to sprint our toys into our rooms at Olympic speeds. If we didn't cooperate, I think perhaps the threat of a spanking was also there as a great motivator!) 

For me, it seemed normal to have a house full of people, whether family or friends. I grew up watching my mom and grandma serve meals to large numbers with ease. My grandma DeEtta was the real pro. I remember how focused her face would look as she'd wipe her hands on her apron, grab a steaming pan of meat and potatoes from the oven, dish them into pretty bowls, then carelessly stack the pots and pans next to the sink to be washed at a later time. At that age, I didn't realize how much of an extraordinary gift her hospitality was to others. She was just my sweet grandma who cooked amazing food! And because she always did it with grace and joy, I guess I assumed everyone loved to host in their homes the way she did. 

As our culture has gotten busier and more obsessed with living in magazine-perfect homes, I think we are in each others' houses less and less. Perhaps we've gradually lost the joy of serving a meal around the table. Maybe we're just too tired and want to watch TV more than anyting. Regardless, it's made me wonder lately if the gift of hospitality is going to fade into a mere memory from the last century.  

But.... 

    What if...

What if we resurrected the art of hospitality and started inviting people in again? What if we started saying, "Why don't you guys come on over for dinner tonight?" What if we weren't so obsessed with a perfectly clean house and instead, settled for a couch with no laundry on it with most of the toys off the floor? What if we didn't think we had to make a Pinterest worthy three-course dinner and decided to just grill up some burgers, open a bag of chips and skip the dessert? Would our time together be less rich because it wasn't gourmet? Or would it be better because we weren't distracted by perfection? If we met up in one another's dusty living rooms over a cup of Joe, would we be less lonely and depressed? In my opinion, I think we'd be a happier, friendlier community and a wiser nation if we decided to value hospitality once again. If we started to believe that lives could be impacted and that hearts could be encouraged all because we were willing to open our doors and let others come over, it could be remarkable.

In fact, I'm going to be so bold as to say I KNOW communities and lives would be changed! I know because my life has been beautifully impacted because others invited me in at one time or another. My marriage is different because a few friends had us over for meals and told us their own stories of hope and struggle. My heart was changed from hopeless to joyful when a friend opened her home, offered me coffee and let me talk it out. If these friends' doors would have stayed closed so their shelves could be perfectly dusted first, I would have missed out on the blessing of someone's love through their hospitality. My life was changed when they said, "Why don't you come over."

Let's face it, some days we just need a regular friend who invites us over to their regular home during their regular life while wearing regular clothes. A timely invite from a friend is almost magical. Other times, it's a sweet gift to be invited over for that special occasion with real plates and real flowers and really good dessert. But either way, it's hospitality. It's love. And it happens most magically from inside our homes. And even Scripture talks a fair amount about hospitality, as in, don't neglect it, and do it without grumbling. It's a powerful tool for showing love and kindness to one other.

As I finish pondering on how hospitality can impact our communities, I'm reminded of this little word picture. I like to call this illustration The Power of One. 

       A man is looking for someone to help him get some yard work done for the month of July. He has two payment options for the individual who is willing to work all 31 days. His first offer is that he will pay a lump sum of one million dollars at the end of the month. Or he'll pay a penny the first day and double the payment each day, until the end of the month is reached. Which payment would you take?

Hopefully you'd choose the second option. It's the difference between one million and $10,737,418.20. I like this illustration because we often think one big bang for our buck is always the best. But look what happens to one little penny, doubled, and doubled and doubled and doubled. What if you are meant to impact one person and that person learns from you how to impact one person and again that person shows another person... yeah, you see? One person impacting one person at a time will get way better results than thinking you're gonna do something HUGE one time to impact the world. Show love by opening up your home, your life, for a simple moment of food and laughter. Watch what begins to happen. 

Though I'm not near my grandma's level of hostess master yet, I do love to have people over. And after thinking about this and reading a book recently about hospitality, I realized that what my mom and grandma showed me is even more rare these days. So, what else is there to do about a subject like this than talk about it and blog about it?!? So here ya go!

If we each did this a few times a month, just imagine what Billings (or wherever you're from) would look like next year at this time?  It all starts with one invite. Who are you going to ask? It's going to be great! 

BONUS HINT: So, at this moment, I hope you're not done reading this and thinking, "Well, no one has had me over to dinner lately!" You'd be missing the entire point of this blog if so. It's up to YOU to put out the invite. Whether you have a tiny house, a dozen kids or hardly enough money to buy those tortilla chips and salsa that you're going to serve, call someone and invite them in. If you need to clean your house first, then do it! It doesn't need to be Pinterest worthy--just a clean living room, kitchen and bathroom will suffice. Close the bedroom doors and don't give a tour of the rest of your house. Ha! They're coming to see you, not your house! Put on some fun, loud music and teach your kids they can clean super fast for 30 minutes. Then make that call and invite someone over. You won't be sorry. 

 The Enabler

(The story you're about to read is true. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent--or guilty in this case.) 

My name is Candi and I am married to an enabler. This compelling story began in Montana where Daryl and I met, fell in love and got married. Not long into the marriage we discovered that despite all our love for each other, we really didn't understand one another easily. I was surprised to find out we were actually quite different. Even our interests were unfamiliar. I was the musician who started playing piano as soon as I could climb up on the bench. Early on I asked Daryl if he played anything to which he simply replied, "Does the radio count?"  I also was sure a girl couldn't own enough books. So I was shocked when he said he didn't have a favorite book. He even went so far as to confess he'd only skimmed the required books in high school. (*Gasp!) I couldn't even imagine! A life without incessant reading?!? But to be fair, one of Daryl's greatest joys in life was flying, which I knew absolutely zilch about. The first thing he'd done after graduating high school was head to Colorado to go to flight school. He was a private pilot that loved to fly the family plane every chance he got. He soon found out I knew nothing of airplanes, except that they flew. And I also knew nothing of how flight even worked. He carefully explained in great detail the workings of an airplane's flaps and rudders. He talked about the clouds and high and low pressure. Oh, be still my heart! I was mesmerized but only because he was handsome and nice. I didn't really care how the plane worked as long as it stayed in the sky! We both shared a zeal for life, but in uniquely different ways.

Through the years, we've become students of each other's interests. I've enjoyed soaring through the skies more than I'd ever dreamt I could, and Daryl has attended more concerts than he could possibly count. But I feel at this point in the story, I must reveal a secret about Daryl -- He's grown into (start dramatic music *bum *bum *bummmm) an ENABLER! He has gone beyond just learning about my interests, and instead, figured out how to supply my dreams with fuel. He spurs them on. He makes them happen. He's amazing that way. (And he's still handsome. Bonus!)

Most people see the word, enabler, in a negative light since it's often referred to as an individual who enables another  to stay in bondage to poor habits. Daryl, the positive version of an enabler, lives in a different way. He hasn't merely listened to me talk about my interests and hobbies, but instead, he's actively corroborated every single one of them. He's sacrificially given his blood, sweat and tears (and time and money) to enable me to pursue my ideas. Now, you must understand, I am not a pro at anything, (anything!) I do. That hasn't stopped his enablement. Not once has he told me, show me proof you're going to succeed and then we'll talk. Here's an example: Our first year of marriage, I started out with a black thumb. I literally killed everything alive in our apartment. So a few years later, when I wanted to grow a garden, he said, "Sure," and roto-tilled the soil. (Later in the season, together, we burned up my entire garden with too much fertilizer, but we were both young and dumb yet.)

Fast forward a few decades, thanks to Daryl's enabling ways we now have an awesome greenhouse, built and designed by Daryl; a custom fireplace in our living room, built and designed by Daryl; a camper that's getting an incredible remodel, built by Daryl; VBS science experiments that hundreds of kids have enjoyed, engineered and built by Daryl. And a few years ago, when I said I wanted to start writing, he never balked when I wanted to sign up for online classes. Instead, he bought me my new computer, Mac (aka, the other man in my life) and has driven me to bookstores in every state we travel through. He is thee very definition of being an enabler. I could stack up miles of evidence to prove his guilt but I believe I've made my point. He has blessed me with the ability to make so many wonderful things possible.

I appreciate that he looks at my imperfect dreams and ideas, listens patiently, then jumps on board and truly enables me to be creative and active in other people's lives.  I could not do what I do... without him. Often times, my life is lived on a stage or in a more visible manner than his, but what most people don't know is that he's the one that makes it all possible. Whether it's a tent and tables set up in the backyard for out latest tea party or a new keyboard that's battery charged so I can type in the mountains while we camp, he is the perfect enabler in my life. I am a life blessed by his kindness. For all you do, my Love, thank you!

     enable- to make able; to supply with power, physical or moral; to supply with means

     enabler- a person or thing that makes something possible

The Beauty of Anticipation (Part 1)

Sunrise on the S. Carolina coast

ANTICIPATION...
     
          WAITING...
         
                 EXCITED EXPECTATION...







I love the feeling of anticipation! There's a special thrill in my chest when I unwrap a gift, not knowing what it will be. Each time I was pregnant, I savored not knowing if we were having a boy or a girl until the moment the doctor exclaimed, "It's a ....!" Around each mountain trail bend, I wait with bated breath for what scene will unfold. And why else would I get up while it's still dark, sit on a cold beach to watch a flaming ball of fire breach the horizon? Anticipation. The fresh anticipation of wondering, "what will it look like this time?" I truly love surprises and life's unexpected gifts in any shape.

Today, I was wondering if God loves anticipation, too. I think he does. Look at a sunrise. He could have designed morning to arrive like an abruptly flipped light switch in a dark room. Bam!! The morning is here. He could have created babies to develop like zucchini, magically appearing on a vine, plump and ready after a mere 24 hours of growth. (You fellow gardeners know exactly what I'm talking about, right?! Zucchini growth is unbelievable!) He could have chosen to usher in Spring blossoms every year on March 20th like the changing of a garment. And for that matter, why didn't he conceive of a harvest that arrived instantly after planting? I'm sure he could have for certainly the God who can speak the entire universe into existence in 6 days could produce anything instantly at his command! So why the slow arrivals? Why the wait? I would suggest it's at least in part because he's designed something to happen in our hearts, minds, and souls through the art of anticipation. I bet he loves to hear us whisper, "I wonder..."

I'm guessing that God takes delight in watching us wait, wonder and anticipate his plan and design. I bet he even smiles while painting each sunrise and sunset, orchestrating the beauty of all those golden hues while he says, "They'll love watching this sunset unfold before their eyes!" The Lord has designed us to anticipate more than just the changing skies and seasons though. He offers us gifts wrapped in grace and love every day. He even gives us hints of things that are yet to come. That excites me deeply! It's almost as if he has hidden parts of our future in wrapping paper like a gift. The anticipation of his plan causes me to fix my eyes on Him and lean in and say, "I wonder..."

What are you anticipating? Who are you waiting for? I can't wait to tell you what I'm anticipating.

But let's wait
     for just a little while
           and enjoy the anticipation.
               It's so good to be excited with expectancy!

Wait, What?!? I'm suppose to Homeschool now?

(Today's blog is for all the moms who've found themselves thrust into homeschooling unexpectedly.)

When our four kids were young, we decided to homeschool them for a couple of years. I had months to think about how I wanted it to go. I looked through catalogs for curriculum and gleaned ideas from other moms. I had something you do not... TIME TO PREPARE!

So today, I'm going to leave some ideas, some advice and hopefully some reassurance that both you and your children are going to be alright. It will be hard at times, but you may just discover that you have a new, stronger connection with your child when this is done.

WHAT IF YOU'RE THE MOM WHO SAID, "I COULD NEVER HOMESCHOOL BECAUSE WE'D KILL EACH OTHER!?"

First of all, breathe. Just breathe. You can do this. You went through 23 hours of labor to bring this child into the world! You have lived without sleep since 2012. You're tougher than you think. Give yourself a few days to think through how you're going to incorporate schoolwork into your survival routine next week or next month. This week, you are wearing the mom hat. Not the teacher hat. No child's math and reading is going to tank in the near future. And honestly, your child is learning something much more important than math as he watches you handle change and model where your security comes from. In fact, I think the golden lining in the cloud is that you've just been given a great opportunity to show your kids how to handle trials. I think back to a quote a seasoned grandma told me once, "Blessed are the flexible for they shall not break." Indeed!

Now, if you're feeling unsure about the upcoming possibility of playing the teacher role, be assured, you're not alone. Every teacher wonders at some point whether or not they've got what it takes to infuse the next generation with knowledge and skills. You do. But one of the things that will help as you leap into this new role at home is to be willing to wear different hats at different times. As moms, we already do this quite a bit, but I personally think that being intentional with this helps focus on what matters most at that moment.

Here's what I mean: If you try to wear the cook hat, the teacher hat, the mom hat, the referee hat, the hazmat hat, and the doctor hat all at once, you're going to be overwhelmed. Test what happens to your sanity level if you just wear one or two at a time. (Now, I do realize the referee hat will often end up getting pulled on if you have multiple kids, but that's alright. Gotta do what you gotta do.) But YOU decide which hats are worth wearing in a day. Not the school district, not your friends, not the grandparents, just you. What does your family need today? That's your decision.

How do you go between these two hats?

Mom hat: First things first! Feed and hug them in the morning. Don't even THINK about schooling yet. Just connect with them, reassuring them that "this is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it!" That's a good way to start. Even if they're sick or grumpy or fighting, they will settle into your calm if it is part of your routine each day. If you're freaked out and stressed, they hear it in your voice and will mirror that too. Start your feet hitting the floor with a cry out to Jesus to help you love your kids well. Your most important role to your kids isn't as the educator, it's mom. While you wear this hat, don't harp on them about homework or if they've gotten everything done. Just be mom. They need you more than ever with all the sudden changes that have happened.

Mentally decide to change hats when you're ready to instruct.

Teacher hat: Take a moment. Think about that favorite teacher you had in school. What was it about him/her that made them memorable? Did they make learning fun? Did they seem to have a knack for telling good stories? Bring some of those styles into your teaching time. I know some parents are receiving loads of lesson plans and worksheets from schools and teachers. Don't make your time schooling all about getting the worksheets done! Yuck!!! Everyone and their dog would hate school if it was all about getting through "the stack" of to-do's. Too often, we think that if the worksheet is done, check, they've learned it. Busywork isn't important. Figure out what needs to get done and set the rest aside. Also, I know there's lots of fun ideas online but don't feel like you need to do them ALL and especially not ALL this week! Find out where they are in the main subjects. If they need help in it, take the time to sit with them, remembering you have your teacher hat on your head, and patiently help them through it. If they've got it figured out, then don't worry about the 8 other worksheets to prove they have it learned. The point is to learn, not to be busy.

I will go as far as to say "keeping up with all the school work" is not the point of your new teaching position at this stage in the game. If you're looking at the clock worried that you should be keeping them academically busy from 8:00-3:00 then you're going to focus on "staying busy." This older mom would say this: Your kids aren't on the clock. Unfortunately, we've heard that kids need to be in school "X" number of hours. That's not the point.  Being present doesn't equal getting an education. Use the time you have wisely and discover the joy of learning together, but don't focus on the clock. See that they are still learning. Don't worry about what everyone else is doing. Just do what you see fits your crew. Every family will be different, so don't worry. Comparing doesn't help them learn.

Two other things to consider as you wear the teacher hat:

1. I'd encourage you to consider just taking this time to teach simple life skills. Have them sort laundry and show them how to start the machine. Bake some cookies or spaghetti together. Those areas are as valuable as the three R's. Think about this, kitchen tasks lend themselves to talking about fractions (3/4 cup of flour, etc...) science (how things bake using chemistry) reading a recipe and understanding steps, taking turns stirring the flour (talk about where flour comes from and who grows it).

2. Teach a fun "unit" study. The beauty of this is that you can pick a subject, a place, a time in history and discover it together with all your kids no matter what their ages are. Ask them what they're interested in. You might find you have an engineer in the making.

* Let's say you want to teach about the pioneers coming west. You'd read aloud something like Little House on the Prairie, bake something from scratch, have the kids build a wagon under the kitchen table by throwing a blanket over it, have dinner by candlelight and talk about how great electricity is and what it might have been like for the pioneers who only had lanterns for light. Introduce the kids to the classic old Oregon Trail game. Didn't you guys grow up playing that one?

* Perhaps your older kids could learn about WW2 and the great generation who fought for the world's freedom. There are loads of great family-friendly documentaries. Read a book from that time like the diary of Anne Frank or Unbroken. Tell them the stories of their great grandparents' rolls during the war. Do you have family who served? Do your kids know about them? Pull out pictures.

* Pretend you're visiting a far off country for a day or week. Eat ethnic food from that place. Play music from that country. Draw a picture of what they think that place would be like then take a virtual tour on the computer.

* Let them tell a story using Stop Motion Movies. (There are some great apps for this!) The art of communication is beautiful. Let them be creative and silly.

*Play board games! Yes, this is educational. Think about how much mental math happens in a game? They are learning patience, strategy, and how to be a good sport whether they win or lose. Many life lessons are learned around a board game.

You'll find that you don't need huge lesson plans to succeed at learning, but start with an idea and your kids may very well help throw ideas into the ring. A great teacher mostly teaches the joy of learning.

WARNING: Be aware of the fact your life is going to feel really messy right now. Literally. When you homeschool, you quickly find out your house gets even messier than normal because you are living in it, eating in it, learning in it, all the time, every day. In our homeschool years, it was hard to keep up with dishes, laundry and house. Don't expect the house to stay organized and "perfect". It isn't going to be. Take that breath again. It's ok. You aren't going to be able to wear your housekeeping hat the way you'd like but wear it often enough to get by. Remember what the focus is--connection with your kids. Occasionally through the day, DO pull the cleaning hat on and set the timer for 10 minutes.  Tell the kids they have to run errands for you until the timer goes off. Crank up the crazy music and have everyone pick up with you as fast as they can. Clock out the teacher, the housekeeper and pull on that mom hat again. Relax. You just finished wearing your teacher's hat for the day. You did it!

My last word of advice is this: READ READ READ! If all you did as the educator of your kids' life these next weeks was read gobs of books, taking wild imaginary adventures in glass elevators or on pirate ships, then you've succeeded. Yay!!

You are building memories. Enjoy this crazy ride and don't let the new job freak you out too much. Remember they just want to feel your love and comfort more than anything. Even those feisty kids you swore you'd wring their necks if you ever had homeschool. Ask God to help you see your child's strengths and weaknesses during this time. Help them develop where they are weak. Don't just get upset. Help them. If they're slow readers, read to them and help them fall in love with good books. If they struggle in math, have them do some practice in the area that they are challenged in. But don't make them sit in a room alone going over and over the same stuff without helping them. That's torture for both of you. If they need help in writing, try writing a letter to a school friend they are missing. (Aw, mail. I could write a whole book on snail mail. It's magic!)

Don't weigh yourselves down too much. Put on the music and pull out those legos. Dust off the board games and find your copy of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. You won't get these days back. You're going to be ok.

We Have a NEED!!!

Dear World,

COVID-19 has arrived! Overwhelmed by the potential of how many people on this globe may contract this new virus, individuals are suddenly aware of "their needs." Grocery store shelves are virtually empty, toilet paper has become the golden commodity overnight, and droves of people are willing to stand in checkout lines for an hour to purchase what's left.

All of a sudden...
     We realize...
          WE HAVE A NEED!

Isn't it strange, we don't understand how much we need something until urgency strikes and it's all gone? I want to start by looking at toilet paper today. (Haha! Those are words I NEVER thought I'd type on this blog.) My guess is most households have had t.p. available for use whenever necessary since, well, since they got out of diapers. We use it every day. Yet, we haven't felt the need for it until now, when it's all but gone. We've assumed there would always be more toilet paper in aisle 14. Now, it's gone and we are hyperaware of our need for it.

This small, squishy roll is the perfect item to illuminate another much greater subject. Our lives, our need, and our hope.

Did you know that every single human has a need? Some people grow hyperaware of this need when they hear the words "cancer" spoken in a doctor's office. Others feel the need as their car spins out of control on an icy interstate. Still, others understand their need at church camp, while the speaker teaches that Jesus came to meet that need. What is it?

We need to be saved.

     Oh, why do we wait until our last days fighting cancer to even talk to God in prayer? Why do so many have a "come to Jesus moment" promising to try to live differently if He'll just get them through this car accident? Must we wait until we see the shelf of our lives are empty before we see we have a need?!?

If the craziness of this time brings anything of value, let it be this:

     WE NEED JESUS! UNTIL WE KNOW WE ARE LOST, WE HAVE NO REASON TO THINK WE NEED TO BE FOUND. John Newton understood this truth when he penned his famous words:
   
                       "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me.
                        I once was lost but now am found; was blind but now I see."

It is so easy for us to march through our lives doing the routine dailies: Eat, sleep, work, repeat. But the sunrise cries out every day that there is a God who loves us. The bees and flowers are evidence that a creative, wise Being designed this world to its tiniest detail. He's even written His story out for us to know him and wants us to understand, he longs to meet our need to be saved, through His Son, Jesus. But we ignore him and say, "I am doing just fine. I don't have a need." But we all do. Do you know it?  Can you feel your need? Do you want it met? Will you wait until you are in an urgent situation to cry out to Him?

Don't wait. He tells us "And just as each person is destined to die once and after that comes judgment, so also Christ was offered once for all time as a sacrifice to take away the sins of many people. He will come again, not to deal with our sins, but to bring salvation to all who are eagerly waiting for him." (Heb. 2:27-28)

Here's truth: Every single one of us has a body that will die. Yep. 10 out of 10 will die. Bad odds if you're just hoping to make it out alive. You also have a soul and it will live forever. Is yours dead or alive? Sin kills the soul. Jesus makes it alive! That may sound odd to some. But I bet a couple of days ago you would have thought it odd to be asked if you needed food and supplies because you didn't yet feel the need. But if I asked you today, do you need food and supplies, they're considered gracious, life-giving words. Our eyes are opened and hearts are much more willing to talk about needs when they are staring at us in the face.

So today, I ask you, do you need eternal life? Jesus said if we want eternal life with him in Heaven, he is eager to give it to anyone who asks. But it starts by knowing, we have a need. You can't save you. Only the payment on the cross is enough. No matter what your past, how great your sin, Jesus already paid it ALL if you accept his gift and make the exchange --His life for yours.

I hope you're aware of your need for a Savior today. Don't wait until your life is at "the end of the last roll"(excuse the bathroom humor but y'all know it's true) before you see your need because there will come a time, your last day will arrive. Be ready. Be at peace. Know the Prince of Peace.

                    "For God so loved the world that he gave His One and Only Son, that whoever believes in him will not perish, but have eternal LIFE!" John 3:16

Grocery supplies are not endless. Toilet paper can run out. But much more importantly, our days are numbered. Be sure you have NOW what you'll need to make it into eternal life in Heaven. Jesus. 

I love you guys! I hope you do have t.p. but REALLY, I pray today, you see that you need Him!

Words Is Hard

     "Mrs. Haidle, that's not proper English." Unfortunately, I heard that from one of my grammar-policing students during an elementary choir class.
     "This is why I am your music teacher and not your English teacher. Let's sing." Inside, I secretly cringed, knowing that I easily fumbled over my sentences and even kids knew it. Don't misunderstand, I'm not at the redneck level by any means. I can speak well enough you shouldn't imagine I'm toothless and in overalls. But I can scramble my grammar and occasionally use the completely wrong word. I have even noticed now that I'm well into my 40's, that I frequently forget an entire word in the middle of my sentence. I have found that writing can ease this struggle allowing me the luxury of editing thoughts and retyping them until they flow smoother. Or is it, until they flow more smoothly? Anyway...
     Grammarly, the app, was made for people like me. And for Moses. You know, Moses from the Bible. I'm quite certain he could have benefited from it as well. Remember how God wanted to send him back to Egypt to lead the Hebrews out of capitivity and to the promised land? Even while standing in the presence of God, talking with the Creator of the universe, he had a problem. In that moment the issue holding him back from leading God's people to freedom was his speech problem. "O Lord, I'm not very good with words. I never have been, and I'm not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled." (Exodus 4:10 NLT)

     Today, I am pondering Moses's quandary. Why? Because I dream of embarking into the world of writers and am wrestling with the fear that my words could be dubbed as "not proper English" and therefore, unusable. I'm not used to feeling uneasy. Partly because I have just finished two marathon chapters of my life, nearly 30 years in the making, both of which I felt talented and fully capable. The past 3 decades, I have lived at my piano, working as an accompanist. I am completely at ease on a concert stage in front of a thousand people. I thrive on being the invisible person on stage during a choir concert, knowing I have the best seat in the house. Also, more importantly, I have spent the last 25 years raising my family but I do not have little kids anymore. My husband, Daryl and I, have four wonderful, dynamic, grown adults who bring us such satisfying joy. They don't need me to mother them, do their laundry, or wipe their noses. Yahoo! I get to enjoy my children as friends now. These rewarding chapters are closing. A new chapter is waiting.
     If I could script this next chapter, I'd love for it to be titled "Candi Writes On Meaningful Matters" but to begin with, I'd be content with a chapter titled "Candi Writes And It Doesn't Completely Stink." Between raising kids, going to school events, teaching piano lessons, and accompanying for school choirs, I've been stashing my writing ideas and story outlines in notebooks and on scratch paper, onto computers and audio recordings, hoping to one day bring my ideas to life and share them with others.
     My love for writing started young. I discovered my hankering for words through school writing projects and the devotion I felt for my notorious junior high journal (which I still have but told my children they can have only after I die.) As a teenager, journaling was a favorite time-killer, perhaps because it gave me a place to spout my inner thoughts and write about my secret, ever changing crush. I think my brother especially appreciated that I began writing in my journal since he got tired of listening to me talk about my newest infatuations, whom he claimed always had the name, Brian. (Hey, there were a lot of Brians in school in those days!) Over the years, stacks of journals captured my prayers and hopes, frustrating days and special memories I didn't want to forget. Eventually, typing at a comptuer screen to an unknown, virtual world introduced me to my first awkward blog called CandiandCoffee. I began to realized how much I loved telling people about what God was doing in my life, and thus, I eventually started this blog, Free at Last. It's been my stopping spot when anything of great consequence has happened in my life, which is why I type today.
     I've dreamt of going beyond scratching ideas on paper in the middle of conversations. I've imagined what it'd be like to write with others in mind instead of writing mostly to myself. Time after time, I've shared my favorite writing quote by C. Day Lewis. He said, "We do not write in order to be understood; We write in order to understand." I believe this to be true. My life has made more sense as I've poured my thoughts onto paper. But now I've come, hoping to go a step beyond journaling and blogging. I am hoping to write stories for children and materials for mothers to use in  parenting. I have some school curriculum ideas to explore. And just maybe someday I can write a Christmas program. I can easily give myself a million reasons why I am inadequate to accomplish any of these tasks. For me, sometimes "words is hard". But I love words. I love stories! I know if I have anything worth sharing, I only need to remember it was God who created me with all these ideas and dreams for a reason. So with God, grammarly, spell-check, gallons of coffee and those few supersmart grammar-police individuals who can't help but speak up, this tongue-tied musician might have a fighting chance at becoming a writer!

My Life in Pencil

"I've decided I'm going to start putting my life in pencil." 

A friend said these words to me over the phone today. As we talked about juggling commitments, work, time with friends and family, church ministries and having enough quiet to hear the voice of the Lord, I was reminded (again!) how difficult it is to have sufficient margin in life to not schedule every bloomin' second of each month. But my friend was speaking about more than just being overly busy. She was talking about being flexible, specifically to the Holy Spirit, in our lives. "Am I willing to put my life in pencil, to erase and change my plans?" I began wondering after I'd hung up.

Hmmm...
      Write in pencil.
            One with an eraser. 

I like making plans for life: scheduling how things should fit, having fun things to look forward to, deciding what makes the calendar of my life. But schedules aren't concrete and life tends to grow organically, when allowed.  We call that change. But the kind of change I'm facing these days is more than just a schedule change. It has more to do with a new season. So this idea of not being able to write out my plans for this next chapter in permanent ink with vividly illustrated expectations, is a bit foreign. I have some inklings of things to come but they feel more like vague sketches and outlines.

Change. I think that's what I'm penciling in as the title of this next chapter. I am coming to the close of a couple marathon chapters of my life. The big one - raising my family. I have no more little children. Over the past quarter century, I have played the roll of the mom raising her family. One of thee best chapters God saw fit to put in the pages of my life! Second, I am getting ready to step back from playing piano as a school accompanist. I started playing for choirs over 30 years ago. It's been the dream job and I've loved my coworkers! 

So, my pages feel blank, not because my schedule isn't going to continue to be filled with activities, commitments, people and life, but because I honestly don't know what it's going to look like. I'm excited. Actually, I'm beyond excited! But I want to approach this season of my life with a pencil in hand, ready to fill these pages with longings and dreams that are yet to be explored, asking God to show me what His plans hold. I hope to write, create and grow to tell meaningful stories. Whether this next chapter is going to be easy, difficult, short, long, exciting or overwhelming, I don't know. But I like the word picture my friend shared - A life written in pencil so that it can be flexible, erased, modified, and free to traverse into the unknown.